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It's the 1st time

2011-10-04T01:46:00.001-07:00

I always remember, i'm the one who used to text you 1st no matter what.

And i could still remember you text me again, just to tell me ' there must be returns when you really work hard, jia you!'

I was really so happy, and i felt like running n jumping around my room!!! *yay!* :D

You'll never understand how it feels when someone you like text you to show his concern on you... i realized we're getting closer again finally, at least you started to concern about me, you started to show me your kindness, that shows me i'm also one of the people you care about.

I really wish we could be good friends, perhaps, i wish we will be getting better, know each others more, as i know we're getting better now since the misunderstanding.

Unfortunately, i need to quit from the club joint venture soon due to financial problem, but i swear, i'll be just quit for a while, a very short period, i'll be back definitely as soon as i can i assure, cause i really love this club, because of everybody here, especially you and pt.

Derrick, i really miss you.

How much i wish you could achieve GET 1 in this month, i really wish everything goes smooth on your place.

Sw.

A nice song

2011-09-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

^.^ 我才发现，我最近喜欢上一首歌，郁可唯--暖心。

很浪漫很开心的一首歌。

好像是在说着一对小情侣，女生告诉男生说，其实她比他更爱他。他的体贴温暖了她的心。。。

这几天啊，我都很想念derrick,很想为他做点小事，一些可以帮到他却又不会让他发现的事。

虽然我们是比其他人要好的朋友，但，他从来没有对我体贴过。最多，就是告诉我，我穿的衣服看得透。也许，他真的看不下去了吧，或者只是纯粹的好心提醒。

我知道，他还需要一段很长的时间去想清楚和考虑我们之间所发生的事。在还没确定自己的感情和心意前，他不会对我做什么，甚至是超出朋友多一点的行为也绝对不会发生。

他真的很小心，看戏时不会问我冷不冷，中午不会问我要不要一起吃午餐。我们看上去像是好朋友，但心里就好像熟悉的陌生人，或者是陌生的好朋友？

好朋友是这样的吗？我不知道为什么，每次到俱乐部一开门进去看到他时，总是有一种怪怪的感觉。我都不敢正视他的眼睛，他看着我也好像不知道该说什么的，连早安两个字都讲一半而已。这是我想得太多吗？还是他也有这样的共识，只是没说出口？

大姐说的没错，我们以前经常玩在一起，顶嘴打闹，整天都看到我们吵架说笑。但，自从在云顶回来后，所有事情都变了。我们不再像以往那样自在的玩在一起或说笑了。我们变得很陌生，没什么谈话。有时候看他静静的，我也不知道该说什么好，又怕他想太多，又怕说错话。也许，他也有同感吧？不知道应该跟我说什么。

其实，我很希望我们可以有多一点的时间相处，慢慢的适应和沟通，变回像以前那样开心。但很多时候当我们单独时，也真的一句话都没说，真不知应该怎么办。我知道，我们不能分开太久了，因为我们双方都很容易适应没交谈的日子，却又不知道再碰面时应该怎么开始话题。

我真的很想跟你说，你说的一句‘不’，对我来说并没有造成很大的伤害，你也不会因为这样而失去一个朋友。但，我真的希望你可以像以前那样对我，把我当成一个好朋友，像以往那样开心说笑，可以吗？

如果说，我对你的好让你觉得很压力，那我会收回一部份。只要你觉得这样会比较舒服和开心，我都会愿意这么做。只要你是真的开心，过得快乐，还有你那真诚的笑容。

我会一直在你身边，需要时，回过头看看，你就会找到我。

我没有舍不得，我只是很想你 ♥

2011-09-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

昨天晚上发送了一封祝福的信息后，你就再也没有回复我的信息。不管是公事，还是一些不重要的，你都没有回应。

到底发生什么事了？以往那些无聊的信息你都会回复，只是迟一点；重要的你更加会尽快回复。可是昨晚到现在，已经一整天了，你还是没回应，就算是不能帮忙或是昨夜睡着了，都该说一声吧？什么时候变得那么没礼貌了？

我还以为你生病了，不敢打扰你，担心你不能安心休息，不敢烦你。但，看来事情不是这样，你还蛮精神的嘛，迫不及待去会韩国姐姐了！

我已经两天没见到你了，真的希望在明天之前可以见到你，因为我知道这几天，我会比以前更想你了。我真的没有不舍得，我只是习惯了每天见到你，喜欢上了有你的每一天。

你总是要这样对我，每一次当我因为你不开心时，你就会刚好发送信息，打电话给我，甚至是跟我闹着玩或对我笑。。。我真的很开心，还会一直傻笑。

我不知道发生什么事了，我今天特别想你，好象比昨天更多。你一整天的不理睬，已经足够我呆了整个下午。我真的很想你，想念得快要哭了，我真的不懂为什么。此刻的心情，我实在不知道怎么用言语来形容，我只是很想见到你，看到你对我笑，说：我们六天后再见，好吗？

很想跟你谈天说话，但我知道不能。很想告诉你，原来我是有喜欢你，只是被你拒绝时还不知道自己已经喜欢上你了。。。

我真的不明白，你明明知道我在线上，却就是不解释你没回复的原因。是在暗示我，你不会爱上我吗？还是我们不可能在一起？如果我们真的只是朋友，没有必要发送这么甜蜜的祝福语，也许是我想太多，若是没有什么，不需要告诉我你等待‘她’的真正原因。就算你当我是好朋友，也可以选择不告诉我，为什么要告诉我对你最重要的东西？难道你不知道我喜欢你吗？还是你和我一样都在装傻？

曾几何时，我们差一点就从好朋友倒变回两个不认识的陌生人，难道你自己忘记了当时为了这个误会抓破头的在想吗？我真的不想要再因为这样而再伤心。

我跟大姐一样，我们要的都很简单，我只是想要和你在一起，是什么关系都无所谓，我只想每天看你笑，听你的声音，一起说笑，一起渡过每个日出日落，已经足够。

Derrick,我没有舍不得，我只是有时，会很想你。

♥

中秋佳节

2011-09-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

I did nothing on this day, slept until noon, watched taiwan drama and kept thinking of you all the times.

Got to club and duty, haven't been talking any word with mk this whole week, sigh, just forget about it, it's not that important to me.

We had a small party after meeting.

I remembered, i've sent you a msg wishing you happy mid-autumn festival, you didn't reply immediately, and i thought you wouldn't reply anymore.

During HOM, my phone vibrated, and i just opened it and saw your pica on my screen!!! :D i thought you had something to ask from my help, but you weren't!!

It's your msg, a greeting msg wishing me happy mid-autumn festival with many smiley faces! i was so happy, though it's just a forward msg, but it's enough. :) hehe...

you haven't online for whole day, you didn't reply my msg. You used to reply me asap if it's related to work, but you didn't last night. i guess you fell sick dy, T.T

pls, rest more n get well soon.. you're gonna depart to korea, don't be sick.

hmmm, i know, i really fall in love with you deep inside my heart... but i'll just stay around you as a good friend only, until the time you really need a partner to be your life companion. :)

Get well soon dear, miss you.

Sw. ♥

STS September

2011-09-11T03:40:00.000-07:00

一大早就倾盆大雨，我们几只小猫在店里，闷死又冷死我了！

大约九点多，大姐和derrick来了，我们开始有说话，吵吵闹闹的，很热闹！

我换了一件衣，半透明式上衣，隐约可以看见内衣，derrick 出声跟我说看得见里面，我只是‘噢’一句回答他。

我知道他一片好心，关心我，但我只有那件上衣啊。

我们俩被定为每次商机会议的开幕舞蹈表演者，以后都会坐在贵宾席。我很开心，因为我们以后都会一起跳舞。而且在准备当儿，我见到他一直都看我。

我们必须当职业粉丝，取得讲师的签名。他很爱做弄我，总是跟我抢，那么多位子他都不去，就爱站在我身边，拿到签名了还得意的向我炫耀。他很可爱，所以我都笑了，因为我就是喜欢这样的他。

希望我们可以相处得开心，每天可以见到他，我已经很满足。

祝福你每一天都过得开心快乐。

♥

为你写最长的部落格

2011-09-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

不知为何，我总想把我们一起渡过的每一天都记录下来，每一件大小事，你说的每一句话，我们眼睛看见的每一个画面，我都想把它们永远留着。就像大姐说的，我在乎的是和你一起渡过生活的每一天，但如果老天爷眷顾，我们可以牵手慢慢变老，那是多美好的事。

初次见面，我就记得你那稚气的模样，稳重的声音。我们在某个国家旅游，大家都在参观，就是我们这两只马骝乱跑，不约而同的在某个地方遇见，一起去找睡佛。一整天的行程，我们就像小孩那样的玩在一起，就只是简单的一起玩乐，一起逛街。那是我最开心的时刻。

回国后，我们一起大扫除，怎么会少了玩乐呢？大家就好像一家人那样，而我们俩瞬间就好像变成好朋友。我们开始会顶嘴，有时候又会互相提醒，讨论一些个人成长的话题，说说生活上的琐事。有一次我们还一起爬山，去吃你最爱的榴莲。你知道吗，跟你抢榴莲吃，真的很开心！我知道，你有时是故意的，有时也让着我，因为我看见你从没让过wendy.还吵架了。我记得，交谈和玩乐间，你比我中指，我并没有很生气，只是觉得不被尊重。如果那是别人，我要不大骂，要不就无动于衷；但我知道自己在乎你，我不希望以后你会习惯这样对我。虽然如此，你却告诉我说，你没有经常这样做，只会在和好朋友玩乐时这样子。我很开心，你把我当成是好朋友。

有一次的派对，我穿的裙子太性感而且走光了，谢谢你的提醒。因为这样我们又聊了一些。你说要是你的女朋友穿这样，你应该会忍不住。我真的笑死了！你告诉我，你以前不曾谈恋爱，如果有机会也许会尝试，但你会以事业为重。这句话让我对你又有深一步的了解，你是个成熟思想的男人。你突然问我，知道这些对我来说，真的重要吗？其实我很想告诉你，这对我来说很重要。

之后我们一直都像好朋友那样相处，一直都很开心。大约七月中旬，我发现明强对我出奇的好，我们一起工作。八月初，你们从外地回来，我发现你怪怪的，我就一直保持安静。接下来发生了一连窜的事，我们各忙各的，根本没有时间说话。我只想告诉你，我真的不是有心要无视你，每一次遇见你，你身边总是站着一个明强。我真的不想要看见他，看见你我的心又跳个不停，就索性不看你嘛！哪知道原来你把我这个新认识的好朋友看的那么重，没说话几天也会让你抓破头去想原因，真的很抱歉。

你生日时，我为你做了个小礼物，只是一个我亲手做来激励你的礼物，都不能收着吗？那一夜，你打来告诉我，‘如果想要有进一步的发展，应该是不可能，因为你还有一个人要等’。至于那份礼物，谢谢你，但我不能留着，因为我不想她回来时看见，所以我settled 了。

你知道什么叫着‘心痛’吗？痛的不是你说我们不可能，而是你因为不想她看到而丢掉了我亲手做的东西！她不是你的女朋友，难道会到你家检查吗？隔天我们就像平常一样有说有笑，回到家，大姐却打来问我到底发生什么事了，最近我们两个怪怪的，都不像以前那样经常闹着一起玩，也很少看见我们笑。她说你最近都不开心，整天静静的好像很多东西在想，她问你你没答。她还告诉我，你曾经跟他说，我是几个女生里，最能说话可以交朋友的。我知道，你以往很少与人接触和甚少交朋友，所以遇到我，你真的把我当成是你的好朋友，谢谢。我当时还有生气，就说你也许是因为‘她’而不开心吧？怎会因为我没跟你说话几天而伤心？说真的，真相就只有你知道啊！是为了她还是我，我们怎么知道。

我不清楚你误会了什么，我不知道自己交朋友的准则是什么，我只是知道在公你会是一个很好的朋友，在私我真的很喜欢你。到最后我们谈了一个下午，你告诉我很多我早就知道却很少人知道的事情。你问我说：‘我说我还有一个人要等六年，你知道为什么吗？’ 我以为你很爱她，所以你愿意用六年的时间来等她。你却说：‘不，其实没有，她是我喜欢那种，但外形和感觉是不一样的，而且我对她没有那种感觉，那只是个借口，等她只是提醒我自己在还没成功前，要专注于事业，其他的以后再谈’。这六年，我想要找的，是一个可以帮到我，爱我，而且我也爱她的另一半。你还说，你一直提醒自己在成功前，不要爱上别人，因为我是人啊，我有感觉的啊，我知道我喜欢谁啊。。。我知道如果我真的爱上她（你喜欢的人）了我不能控制自己。

你告诉我，除了大姐，没有人知道你为什么要在贺宝芙。我只是想要做个好孩子，一个好男人，一个好老公，一个好爸爸而已，物质对我来说，不是最重要的，所以我拒绝所有，是有点痛，但至少我知道什么最重要。你甚至告诉我你父母不能光明正大回来槟城的原因。

真的谢谢你愿意告诉我这么多，让我可以更了解你.

我真的很欣赏你做人的原则，知道自己应该做什么。你对家人的好，你想为他们做的都让我想哭。如果他们知道，一定会很安心。

有时候，我真的很想问你为什么要告诉我我们不可能在一起，又解释你不爱她？为什么会告诉我你的私人秘密？为什么我无视你，会让你这么烦？为什么告诉我对你最重要的东西？为什么每次有什么事，你明明可以打给别人，你却打给我。你信任我，但你就是爱对我忽冷忽热，这样会生病啦！

我知道你这六年里都不会谈恋爱，我不知道你为什么要告诉我这六年你想要的，我也不知道在你心中我是什么，有多重要，不管是什么，我知道我们会是好朋友。你有需要时，我一定会帮你。我会一直在你身边，帮助你，关心你，支持你，给予你最大最多的祝福。哪怕有一天，你告诉我你爱的不是我，我也不会伤心，因为我愿意。我只想在这六年里，每天见到你，听你说话，看你笑，在你的生活里占一小部分，成为你可以分享喜怒哀乐的人。

这个文章，希望不需要六年后才能让你看。

我喜欢你，喜欢到不知道自己在做什么。我就是喜欢你。

你身边的朋友，

薇.

I really feel like crying now.

2011-08-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

i don't know whether abby is talking about me or not, i'm not concern about derrick also, and he's not concern about me also, what is she refer to if she's talking about us?

i seriously very sad today, i just wish to cry myself to sleep, and no one knows how much i wish i could tell derrick, i really miss you very much and i love you.

T.T

You're driving me mad.

2011-08-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

I seriously don't understand what are you thinking about!? why are you keep removing the tags which i made on your wall? why did you remove your status which i 'liked'?

If it's because of you don't want her to see that, even if a normal girl friend commented also cannot? she will also get jealous? can you be mature a lil bit?

The most important one, does she love you? if she doesn't love you, what's the point for you to remove all the tags??!

you really made me pissed off and so sad.

Everything that I wish to tell you.

2011-08-29T01:02:00.000-07:00

Derrick,

I wish I could have a chance to show you this article one day.

The 1st time I saw you, I already found that I like looking at you. The voice you share your testimonial very attractive, loud and accurate and also stable tone, you must be a very smart guy.

We ran roadshow together, you keep joking and taught us many things. After that we went to Bangkok together, The 1st and 2nd day are the most happy moments for me. I remember we kept playing around, had a lot of fun :D we looked for the sleeping buddha together, LOL. haha! and we take pictures together, I was really so happy during the trip.

After that I jointed venture, we see each other everyday, june and july was still okay, we went to pt's house for durian. You take me as a good friend i know that, i can feel that, and i really treat you as a good friend. :)

Here came to august, everyone started to be busy. You followed ps n pt to genting, and you was so weird after you came back from genting that time. Then my grandpa passed away, and you went to supervisor retreat again, zero to hero we were sitting separately, we rarely get to talk in the whole august. I'm really sad and upset.

How much I wish to tell you, I miss you very much in august, every time you're not here, i missed you very much. I wanted to talk to you, wanted to see you, but I couldn't. A worse thing happened was, i found out mk likes me!!! Omg! What should i do and how can i react to this? I avoided him, and you were always being together with him, so by the way i avoided you, too.

I didn't do it intentionally i swear derrick. I just didn't know what to do and how to face mk, i'm not hating you, don't be sad pls... T.T

I have made you a birthday gift, which i stayed up until midnight to complete it even i have had a rough day after dmo. but you told me you've SETTLED it dy just because you didn't want her(yi hui) to see that when she comes back. I was so sad on the other side of your phone you know?

Perhaps, i deserved it. I knew that you're waiting for someone, i knew that early, but i still fall for you. I didn't want to interrupt you i swear, i just wish to be like usual, see you everyday, talk together together like a kid, help you when you need me, make you smile when you're depressed, that's enough for me at this moment.

Yesterday, you asked me know why you want to wait for her? i thought you really love her. But you told me you're not, and waiting for is just an excuses for yourself, to resist yourself from falling in love with other girls before you achieve pres team.

I didn't know should i feel happy or not. Cause i remember you told me that, 如果要有再进一步的发展，应该是不可能。you told me why are you in hbl, i really wish to know, except pt n ps, am i the only one to know your secrets?

Honestly, i was so touching and felt like crying when you told me, materials are not what you want from hbl, but you just want to be a good son, a good man, a good husband and a good daddy. I was almost cry, and feel like hugging you and tell you: dear, you will be! T.T cause i'll always be around you, even just as a friend to support.

Derrick, perhaps i'm not that kind of girl that you like, i know you wish to find a girl who can help you, love you wholeheartedly, and you love her too. I just wish to tell you, maybe you still want to wait for yi hui, but i'm very happy that what i have done unintentionally has made you mad and even you written as your status, you wish to wait for her, but your mind was thinking about why am i behave like that.

I'm sure, i'll always appear in your mind after today. :) Cause you're very afraid to fall in love, you told me you can't control, cause you know the girl is just around you, if you keep talking and being around her, you will fall into the trap of love dy.

Babi, i just want to tell you, you're finding girl who can help you, love you and you love her one. I don't want to find a rich guy when i 1st meet him, i don't need so much money, But i'm seeking a guy who needs a girl to help him, work hard together with him, care about him and his family, share the sadness and joys, trust & support him no matter what and also love him wholeheartedly.

I know family is your priority, so do i. I really wish you could stay with your parents and bro together as soon as possible. Being separated for so many years, luckily you grown up healthily and being nice and kind now. I'll give you my birthday wish this year, so that you will see your family and smile everyday.

You could continue to wait for yi hui, i have no comment and i do respect your decision and your plans. We're always friend, anything you can always tell me or ask me if you need my help. She looks really pretty and nice, appreciate her if she accepts you one day in the future. :)

I didn't request much, i just wish to stay beside you, laugh together, smile together, have fun together. I won't cry together with you, cause i'll cheer you n make you smile when you're sad. :)

Always here,

Sw. ♥

A sad thing after so long.

2011-08-29T00:45:00.000-07:00

Finally, I gave the birthday gift to Derrick, and he found it in his tray, he was stunned, lol.

After that i saw him posted a status in fb, saying that what he wants he never get, but other things came without any signs, he is born in a wrong decade, a wrong time, met a wrong person, and very sorry.

I knew he was talking about me, and i told him not to worry, cause i never want to interrupt his current life n plans.

I know that he has many things gotta do now, and i agree with what he said about this is a wrong time, we shall focus on our career actually, that's why, i respect him and never want to disturb him.

We have been chatting for quite long yesterday, he told me many things about himself, the secrets of him which nobody knows before except sis and me.

I didn't know why, I felt a lil sad perhaps sympathetic to him although many peoples told me he is not a good guy. However, since i knew him, i know he is a hot temper, impatience, i see he's changing and getting better day to day, i know he's putting his effort to improve, just to be a better person, a good son, a good man, a good husband and a good daddy. T.T

I sincerely wish he could be successful and be a better person as what he wants.

May all the strengths of universe helps him throughout his life. :)

Best wishes,

Sw.

T.T

2011-08-24T02:11:00.000-07:00

if the situation allows me to do so, i will tell you as loud as i can that:

I love you!

If i'm brave enough, I will shout very loudly: Derrick chuah, i miss you so much!!!

you will never know how i feel deep in my heart. T.T

I miss you.

The End.

2011-08-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

I've tagged him a birthday video clip, but he removed the tag! this is the 2nd time he removed my tag, i'm really so sad and angry just now, i didn't know why, i'm just so upset and felt like crying.

He didn't escape, didn't avoid me, he even called me as usual after i gave him the birthday gift, but i can't understand why is he removed the tags!?

Finally I talked to mk, i told him not to fall for me cause i'm not the kind of girl that worth for him to care about, the most important is, my heart is already occupied.

We see each other everyday, but I don't know what should i talk to him, i really like him, i like to see him smile, joking around, i like every action of him, and i feel like telling him the truth sometimes.

I don't know what's in his mind, what he thinks about this, i miss those days when we fooling around in Bangkok, that was the most happy n fun time for both of us!

Happy birthday Derrick!

2011-08-23T02:06:00.000-07:00

I was hesitating whether i should give you the gift, and finally i accomplished it without sleeping last 2 nights.

I wish the gift could help you when you need it, and hopefully you will bring it along wherever you go.

I wouldn't do anything much cause I do not plan to disturb your current life, I just wish I could get to help you when you need, and achieve your goals, seeing you to smile everyday is actually enough, cause i know and i understand that, this is not the right time.

Happy birthday babi! May you and your family live happily and stay healthy, I wish you to be a better person each of everyday, to be who you wish to be, to get what you want to get and finally i wish you will cherish the gift cause it's a handmade birthday present from me! :)

♥

Best wishes,
Seow wei. :D

I'm falling... ♥

2011-07-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Tri-Angels,

I'm the kind of girl, who believes in the 1st sight love, the 1st impression and the 1st feeling. I realize I really like watching at him, especially when he is doing something seriously, he looks so charming, when he reads, :) I always watched at him secretly, hopefully nobody notice that.

He gave me may advices on my work, spreading positive energy to me when i'm down, and made me smile when i emo. thanks so very much.

Sis was asking me which club i wish to stay at, I told her i'll be staying at pulau tikus and she gave me many advices, asking me to learn as much as i can. I was wondering around whether which club Derrick would go, most probably he will go tj. bungah and sg.dua i guess?

Many people said that we will feel nervous, heart beating very fast when we see the one we love. My heart was not beating fast, but i got a lil nervous, happy, yet i tried to control my excitement every time i see him, sometimes I purposely refuse to talk with him, just acted like very normal friends.

Every time he has something interesting, he will tell his sis, and tell me if abby is not around. He used to be like a lil boy, talking non stop very happily, yet he always nagging at his sis like an elder bro, and now he starts to nag at me!!! I know, he's just concerns about me, as what he told me:' who are you, and who am i? your business is none of my business actually, that's not necessary for me to tell you so much, but I'm just helping you now.'

Perhaps, we're getting closer and he told me that he treats me as good friend, :D that's why he will nag at me sometimes. I like to see him telling me about what he has learned, about he wants to be positive... he was so naive like a lil boy, but sometimes he could be a very charming man.

I'm not sure whether we will still working together in the future, perhaps, we would be seeing each others less frequent. i'm not sure whether i'm important in his heart or not, perhaps I do, maybe i'm not, but no matter what, i know I'm gonna miss him so much.

His birthday is coming, next month. I'm thinking of fooling around with him by sending him an angry bird bagpack!! hahaha! Buy him egg tarts!? but how should i bring it to club as i dont want anyone knows about it.. he loves bak kut teh, i wish to buy for him also, prepare a cake for him?

Urgh! i dont know la... i just wish to have more time to interact with him, argue together everyday and playing together. i really miss him.

New updates

2011-07-16T06:32:00.000-07:00

Sigh. I'm kinda emo recently. I hardly get sales, BUT!!!! i have my 1st customer now!!! I seriously think that, the God is blessing me, as I never thought of giving up even I didn't have customer for two months! Although I've spent longer time, but I won't give up as I know, as long as i keep on moving, improve a lil everyday, I'm nearer to the peak, that's why i love hiking!

Sis(karin) and I have came to a conclusion about Kate, we found that she's really so unreasonable!!! She is being so fake, we knew that she doesn't like abby, but she acted like very close with her. I early knew that she was not happy that I always being with Derrick n abby, cause she found that abby was not fair to her, about abby keep on helping Derrick to get sales instead of helping her. sigh. why did you compare and jealous??? Abby is treating Derrick as her real lil bro, obviously she will help him, and I seriously cannot accept that she's not happy that i always hanging around together with both of them, cause she has no right to resist me, especially when she is being self-centered.

Many times, she called for meeting when she knew i followed abby n derrick to distribute flyers or ds, or when we went for lunch and sometimes sis invited me to go her house, she would warned me indirectly which one is more important for me. I extremely don't like this kinda being controlled feeling!!! She keeps watching us, we know that cause we can feel it! And she keeps calling and text us even after work... now she wants us to stay with her, i'm just worried that we might quarrel after long time, sigh, i'm just scare laaa.... T.T

Very Fun n Great Durian Party

2011-07-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, I'm far to be the winner of weight loss challenge! hahaha!

Wasted sometimes in club today, Kate was like emo-ing and I felt that she was not in good mood especially when I mentioned about hiking with sis, She was like not happy when I stick with sis/derrick.

Besides that, I found that she's a lil vexatious since she got angry very fast even a small matter and always argue with Gary because of tiny problems. Sigh, I'm not really like her actually since I know her temper well, she might be really strict and hot temper I can see that. I always feel fear around her cause I know she always observing us, and i do feel stress, worrying what I say or do would make her angry or dissatisfy....

After meeting, we met sis and we hiked up to the hill for durians!!! Woah! I ate a lot man! hahaha! Along the journey up to hill, I was talking with Derrick and sometimes we argued again, lol. He stepped my shoes again as he used to walk just behind me!!! Grrr...

Sis's mom prepared durians, mangosteens, passion fruits for us, I fought with Derrick for durian! He was so bitchy la, I knew I wanted but he just grabbed it from my hand! Celaka this idiot! Wendy ate a lot and she fought with Derrick also, but she was over la, she held the durians while she's still eating another one, end up Derrick cursed her to grow fatter, 70kg, 40 inches waist and etc. I know Derrick dislike her, i think he couldn't endure her anymore la thats why he did that.

We had dinner then walked down to car... still the same we talked and made fun of each others, and didn't know why he shown me middle finger(not obvious one la), I was a lil beh syok lo... wondering how could he treat a girl this way, but perhaps:

1.He takes me as real good friend. ( also no need show me mah, I'm also a girl ok? respect a bit)

2.Accidentally shown it when he didn't know what to do(let me kek tiok)

3.He hates me... (impossible la)

Conclusion: he said he knew that i can be joked n fooling around.. and he only do this to close friends~ (it's so lucky to be his friend) =.=

Besides that, he was talking disgusting stuffs all the time, awful ones, embarrassed ones, funny ones like assholes, diarrhea, farting... lol. he treats me like a very close friends or family, and i feel very fun and warm every time being around him, he is like talking to me without hiding anything, he just talked anything in his mind and wouldn't care whether it would hurt me or i would get pissed off or not.

I never had this kind of friends, who we could really interact like a family, doing and talking those awful and funny stuffs that normal friends will never do. Besides that, I'm thankful and glad that he really trusts me like he trusts sis... :)

Hmmm, i wonder what kind of girl he would fall for, and would he shows middle finger to the girl he loves?

According to sis, he treats the girl he loves very well, but i wonder how and what would he do to his gf if he has a gf... cause I always see his kiddy laughing face, and the way he talks and argues with me is really pissed me off yet I feel interesting and happy. lol. hmm, i don't know what i'm talking also. hehe.

Ahh, I just love this kind of outing la... hahaha! I miss the picture we fight for durians and I beaten him up!

Habits.

2011-07-02T03:47:00.000-07:00

I just realized we use to argue everyday, even when we actually did nothing much, he always wants to challenge me or just add in some challenging words to make me get pissed off n scold him. =.=

I guess he trusts on me more than anyone else after sis, and i found that he starts to be like a kiddo, playing miss call!!! =.= and we even scolding each others with msg during training!!! nonsense!

Hmmm, we had a small meeting just now in club, i accidentally saw him watching me, and he did sense me seeing him looking at me, and I felt there's something wrong within us. I'm just wishing it to go slowly along this few years.

I won't deny I absolutely keeping good feeling toward him, and I guess he does too. Perhaps we just wish to keep this kind of friendship currently... laugh and argue together everyday.:)

A Bored Afternoon

2011-06-29T01:39:00.000-07:00

Damn, I'm kinda bored here doing nothing and looking at the hanging clock ticking...

Have been awake since 530am in the morning, came to shop, didn't do anything much today. Sigh. Sis is still not feeling well because of dengue and Derrick and I keep nagging her everyday. lol.

There was a customer came to shop just now, he was so rude and kept complaining that he couldn't lose weight, i guess he is not using it seriously, that's why! He was like scolding Derrick in very rude way and saying something(yellowish topics) which really made me feel embarrassed when I was just beside them.

I thought Derrick would be pissed off or depressed, luckily he was not, well done, he got improved finally. A moment later, Jason(Der'k friend) came over and I just came out from meeting room, checked whether who has came. He asked Derrick whether I'm his gf? lol. I claimed: it's so unlucky if I AM.

Hmm, i've made a conclusion, females always say against their real desires. *haha!*

I just don't want him to realize I actually have a crush to him, perhaps I just want to keep this friendship, at least we could maintain as friend or good friend, otherwise we might really can't talk to each others anymore.

He went for lunch since 2pm, bikes keep on passing and stopped here, but not him. Where did he go, and what time he'll be back here, I'm wondering...

There are 2 lazy bitchy pig sleeping in the room, side by side, making me vomit when i look at them!! Damn it, how could they behave like this(disorder n awful) even when others are around...Alright, everyone knows both of you are couple, but please behave at the public.

Argh! I just can't tahan la... *yucks!*

Another chapter

2011-06-22T02:05:00.000-07:00

It was raining whole day, and I stayed in meeting room to complete my flyers. Derrick came in with the book he lent me and started to read. there was only two of us in the room, and the silence lasted for quite long cause I didn't want to draw his attention in case he noticed I'm having crush to him. So I just kept quiet until he started the conversation, haha!!! (finally, i won!)

He told me about the financial independent training which I've told him that if we wish to take part we gotta fly to LA... so I think he checked on that and found out there's a place for this, and we were talking about this thing and he asked me a few questions about financial management. This is the 1st time we discuss about serious and daily life issues, and i begin to know more about him. Perhaps, this is what i want before starting a relationship, and for me, this should be the proper step to be in a relationship which will last long.

We're getting better and more close than ever, as he started to trust on me and even playing around with me in front of others, yet we keep the distance sometimes automatically when there's some strangers around us. He kept kicking my leg when my blood circulation was not that smooth! Damn bitchy of him and i just pinched his muscles, but I think that's hurt because of my long nail scratched him, hehe.. (paiseh la)

Sis and him are like real close as real family, he even helped her to remove white hair!!! Lol, a lil gay but warm. They were like argue something and suddenly Derrick beaten abby and told me: look! I even beaten a lady, so i would beat you too, but since you're a lady so i respect.

Damn! I answered: then just beat me la!! Nah~ *pointing my cheek* He took off his crox slipper and threw towards me!!!(lightly la) Celaka-nye!! I threw back to him... He never played with others like this except his sis, and i'm the 2nd one i think, who he doesn't take me as family. He didn't treat karin this way(cause she has bf maybe), wendy? (damn! he hates her so much) Guess, we are close because both of us still single and nothing to worry about. haha, so i'm thinking, single is not bad what!

Ahh, he still owing me 4 meals!! Rojak! Bak kut teh! Lily! E&O!!! but vegetarian la~~~ hehehe!

Meeting of Old man.

2011-06-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

1st met with Kenny since we broke up. It's been so long, guess about 3 years we haven't met.

Hmmm, but i remembered we have been chatting whole night once before.

Couldn't really remember much about the previous memory, but we did making fun of each others like old friends, i realized he has changed, a lil better perhaps.

We were playing around at on the seats, and suddenly Derrick gone, for very long about 1 hour, until Kenny left, then only he came back to his seat. I didn't know where he has been to.

He is really a bastard sometimes, used to make me pissed off, yet make me laugh like an idiot.

Perhaps, a normal but relax n natural interactions is enough for me, i'll keep it in heart.

True Love

2011-06-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

They were talking about Derrick and I in fb, Kate suggested I partner with Derrick to order the couple shirt since both of us is single, (and we are the only two who's single in our team).

Kurt was saying Derrick and I can be a couple, Abby 100% agreed, =.= and everyone was making fun of us. I knew that he will not be happy with this kinda childish jokes, so i told them i'm not interested.

I didn't know what's he thinking, but according to his sis(abby), he told her that if they continue to joke like this, he will not talk to me anymore, so abby was trying to avoid this.

I saw him this morning, I didn't talk to him cause I thought we should avoid from those gossips as i know he doesn't like it. however, end up we were talking non-stop again after meanwhile, =.= i wondered, what's he thinking? I thought he wouldn't talk to me much, but we were just kidding around just now.

Besides that, he called me immediately when he couldn't find his keys instead of calling wendy/karin....

Now I know he's afraid of watching horror movies!!! hahahhaha! damn! he was kidding me all the time since sunday! He himself is also afraid of ghost what... He's just... so damn chubby! lol.

Abby told us, true love is about a) When we see someone, we feel the heartbeats getting faster n we got nervous n excited. b) we would smile because of his/her smiles, always feel comfortable to be with him/her... c) we can give promises to each others, the commitment to hold each others as long as we can.

I had the 1st 2 criteria, but i dont think i have the 3rd feeling now..

Anyways, i found that he just like to argue with me so very much, and he likes to talk to me, like a lil kiddo telling his story... lol.

I just noticed that, i'm more energetic when he's around me. :)

Uncontrollable

2011-06-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

I found myself like to look at him so much. He's like a magnet, the forces of attraction is so strong... I was like sticking to him and abby all the time.

When I see he smiles, I always smile. He's just so attractive n charming, that makes me can do nothing and resist especially his stubborn personality, and his action of taking care of his sister.

He might be lazy i can see that, but i wonder if he has a very big vision, i guess he will definitely go with it!

hopefully, we'll be together one day.

i just miss him.

Fooling around.

2011-05-14T01:03:00.000-07:00

I've been joining Herbalife more than one month, I made many friends there, and I realized I have a crush to a guy who named Derrick.

I didn't know since when I found myself like to look at him, and we were like talk to each others easily. We didn't just walk together intentionally, but we made fun of each others, joking around automatically.

The 1st day we went to Bangkok, I met him somewhere in the temple, and both of us just walked around to look for the sleeping buddha and took photos together. We went shopping together with abby, he was playing around and stepping my shoes, I didn't feel angry, but I just played with him like two lil kiddos fooling around, lol. hehe..

I realized I might fall for him, and Kate them suspected we might be falling for each others. Hence, they advised me to choose president team members instead of world team(derrick is still a world team member). I thought Derrick is having certain bad habits/personalities, I was so sad actually. The next 2 days I didn't talk much to him, cause I didn't want anyone to realize I fall for him. We didn't even talk a sentence, but I kept spying him, and I know he was peeping around me once in a while..

The last day, when we went around shopping again, we talked most that day, and I started to know more about him, what kind of shirts he likes, what he needs, what's his habits... when we being left alone, he told me what he wants to do when come back to msia... I went shopping with abby in Naraya, he was helping abby to carry the bags, haha! I just walked close to him, asked him to help me, he was like smiling but perli-ing me at the same time... i rarely seen this kind of sweet smile from him. this is the 1st time I went shopping with someone helping me to carry without complains.. ^^

The most important things are, he likes to kacau me once in a while, argue, quarrel or even small fighting... but everytime, he brings laughter and smiles together, and I can feel that he likes being around me, and I know I like to be around him too. unfortunately, I have been told that I shouldn't be with my sideline(derrick) who is not my upline/downline to avoid monetary benefits fighting... however, sometimes this kind of incidents cannot be prevented..

I heard from abby that, she advised Derrick to focus on his career 1st, and Derrick said he would looking for a gf after 28, and planning to get married after 30. she advised me to be like Derrick also, focus on my career, and I told her that I will, and I seriously don't think that it's a good time for us to be in a relationship before we achieve a certain level in our career.

so, i was thinking, if we really meant to be together, I believe that we'll be together after a few years. hopefully when he's 30 and I'm 27, we will be together.. I wouldn't let him know that I fall for him, and hopefully he won't let me know anything about his feeling on me.. I need more times to know him, and to let him know more about me, too.

He;s a special guy, who is very independent, so far mature thinking instead of action, haha... And I hope he will show me that he has big dream and will be chasing after until the dreams come true...

I like seeing him to smile, it makes my day, and he's one of the motivation for me to wake up early. ^^

Mind spinning whole night.

2011-03-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ouch! Haven't been sleeping well last night, cause my mind was keep on spinning around.

Sometimes, I just hate you so much, especially when I missed you so badly, but I can just hide inside, cause I know I shouldn't tell you about this.

No doubt, I enjoy the hidden-love sometimes, perhaps, I don't want to be the bad character, nor destroy your great one.

At the moment, I just want to keep you accompany along this tough and tiring period, support and concern about you when you're exhausted, that's enough.

I do miss you, but I don't feel like being the devil, and I know I can't get over this if it happens.

Work hard and try your best, you'll see the bright sky after this. :)

With love,

Seow wei.

i hope you do well

2011-03-28T20:08:00.001-07:00

hmmm, i'm so sorry i didn't see your msg when you were down n depressed.

i feel a lil upset for not replying you in time cause i couldn't get to help you.

perhaps, your task is really so tough and you have limited time to accomplish it. but, i hope you will take care of yourself, don't fall sick.

if i'm able to, i will try my best to help you..

Was raining so heavily last night, wanted to tell you i missed you so much, but i didn't...

Cause i think i shouldn't...

I miss you.

With love,

Seow wei.

Again, I miss you.

2011-03-15T05:07:00.000-07:00

Feeling kinda miss you now, sigh. Though i know i shouldn't be, but i'm still missing you.

Haven't really noticed you've got this kind of magic, like casting a spell on me, making me to miss you so much. I'm really scare to fall in love with you,cause it's a wrong decision.

I want to lean on you so badly, but I never thought of destroying you and her, cause she's kind.

But i just miss you so much, want to see your msg so badly, and I choose not to text you so frequent anymore, in case, i burn myself.

Love,

Mui2

I'm not that kind of good girl.

2011-03-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

Been out just now, finished a movie. I just felt like leaning on his shoulder so much, cause i feel secure sitting beside him.

Was listening to him on the phone with his gf, i just didn't feel happy inside, i was being quiet all the while, and i know what's happening, that, i'm getting myself to be burnt, I was... getting jealous.

I found myself getting greedy than ever, I start to be unhappy with he talks to his gf, i'm just so damn bitchy, T.T

I guess, i shall stop here, but i really miss him so much, and causing me to have a desire making him as mine. I was sad when I saw he saved their picture as screen saver, and i know, I like him.

I miss you, dear man.

Another one for today.

2011-03-11T03:43:00.000-08:00

It seems like i must just write a few words here each day. Before this , i dont use to miss him during class time, but i know i'm sinking deeper every single day.

Heard about the news of earthquake and tsunami, kinda worry about yean and those who are in aussie, though they might not be affected, perhaps, i'm just missing them la... I've realised something, that's i've taking taice n jessie as family, like sisters, who i used to respect them as sisters like what ken does when i was still being together with him.

Taice n jessie is just, very kind n nice to me.. (thank you) :D

Disasters are happening time to time, we can't predict what's gonna happen, perhaps, we might just die tomorrow because of heart attack? Natural disaster? who knows?

If there's one day I know that i'm gonna die soon, I'll acknowledge my parents, my big bro, then my best bitches, and another two men,

Ken: thanks lot, for giving me so much of happy memory, i'll always remember you,in my heart, if i can reborn, i'll choose to be your gf again, cause you're just a very kind man.

koko: i'm gonna say:' you're the best bro ever, who did really take care of me, and i always remember you carried me down from staircase because of my injured leg'... but if i can choose once again, i hope we are not koko n mui mui. perhaps, you like excitement, fresh n new stuffs, but, if you love someone, i know you will love her wholeheartedly.

I love you guys.

I'm so happy, yet, a lil depressed.

2011-03-10T03:47:00.000-08:00

Haven't got to text him on tuesday, and finally, i text him last night saying:' hey, i... miss you, hehe'.

I lost control, i just wanted to tell him, i miss him so much. and he told me he was missing me too, i smiled, though i know that he wasn't (there's always a person in his heart)

Surprisingly, he asked me out for movie this morning, i know it's because he had nothing to do, but i don't care, i just wanted to see him. It's very warm leaning on his shoulder, he was very gentle, patting my head with his cheek, i did really feel contented, cause i know that i shouldn't request anything else more than this.

Hearing he said that want to buy a car plate with PLP 1515, i was being silent all the way, cause i know it's the birth date of him n qi, and i knew, jealousy existed.

Wanted to tell him i miss him so badly, until i couldn't sleep, but i shouldn't. Sometimes, i'm just lose control and doing some kinda self burning things.. T.T but, i just feel like doing this way... perhaps, it's because i feel very secure when i stick to him...

I remember, he guessed that i love him, and asked me why didn't i tell him. i didn't answer, and i denied. =.= what if i told him? any difference, i couldn't see that. so we better keep this way. and honestly, i'm really afraid of falling in love with him... i'm scare.. cause, watching the one who you love being together with another one, it's like being poked with thousands of needles in heart.

T.T

Insomnia

2011-03-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

Have been going through insomnia recently.. not sure what's the exact reason causing me getting insomnia..

I could hardly remember, i used to think about someone before i slept.. and the person is no longer the one who i loved him so much last time. I really do missing him, but i'm also missing another one,who just bang into my mind invisibly.

Seriously, i've been knowing this guy for so many years, i wonder, why didn't i look at him, perhaps, he hasn't give me a warm feeling, nop, he did actually, but in a different way.

I know I like him, perhaps not that much as the previous one, but ironically i'm missing him every night. However, I wish, i would not fall in love with him, cause i know, he is not belonged with me.. T.T

I'm not greedy, i just wish to stay this way, text him at the midnight n before i sleep, applause for him when he being announced as the champion of basketball's match and hang out together when he's free...

KK, i miss you.

Single best suit me.

2011-02-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Been out with Alecia and friends just now. She's always so pretty good in looking as usual, charming as well.

Cindy came with her bf, who she doesn't really love him, and they have been broken up for few times within 2 years time.

We met Julia Tham just now outside Winter Warmer, she's just as sexy as what we got to see on her picture. However, I don't think her bf suits her, and I think Ken would never expected that.

Kok Sian(Cindy's bf) sent me home. He was telling me about what had happened btw him n cindy.

According to him,

They had sexual relationship, and cindy left him, gone to another guy. But he loves cindy so much,still, he wants her back. However, he kept mentioned about she had sex with that guy, and now she's rising her price, fooling around with kok sian. He said, cindy always hangs out with her colleagues who are all males until late night.

So, I actually didn't know what the heck they're doing. Why cindy became like this, why the hell kok sian loves her but still, he can't accept her past. What's the point for him to prepare the Valentine's celebration if he thinks that it's a waste? If he loves her, why is he keep on thinking whether that's worth or not? He just expects of return.

For me, I will advice them to end the relationship. Cause i don't know what the heck they're doing!!! Bullshits!!!

Learn to love yourself before you expect others to love you.

Not real but not a fake,too.

2011-02-12T04:14:00.000-08:00

Hey, I really not sure with the conflict inside la. I thought I was not missing him since I started to attend classes.

I was just feeling very tired everyday, and wanted to concentrate to my studies all the time. But, he nudged me just on msn again, asking me how's my assignment n stuffs.

He asked me about my status again, i lied. hehe.

Saying that he will bring me out when I complete my assignments and when i free.

Sigh, I think I'm missing him a lil, but I'm not sure it's sibling-liked-missing, or the couple-liked missing.

Nobody knows.

2011-02-07T01:28:00.000-08:00

Feel so suffered sometimes cause I can't tell anyone about this.

Browse through your pictures just now, now only I realized you're quite good looking when you smile. :) Made me recalled about what we have been gone through along this 5 years.

I remember, we knew each others since 05' , haha, chuen wei wanted to get our number, end up we got frightened and you became our bro. Kinda funny huh? Followed you around when you hanged out with zhi ming.

We went to buddhist institution to revise together, you brought me at your back with bike. The 1st time I hugged you, you were so skinny, i was worrying i might hurt your bones,haha.

12December, jian hoong made a bbq party, to confess to yean, haha.. (he failed of course), i got injured and toes bleeding non-stop when Geo taught me to ride bike, you carried me down from staircase, it was so sweet of me! (I guess,geo was almost beaten you up at that moment) lol.

There was a night, you ran over our place at the middle of the night, you were sad, and skinny cause zhi ming request to break. I was so sad seeing you cried. Before you went home, you covered blanket for us, left us a kiss on forehead, I would never forget, that's the 1st time I felt so sweet in my heart.

New year eve, knowing that yiyin loves ks more, you kept me accompany at the beach, consoled me, I cried in your arms, and you hugged me tight until I stopped crying,( i felt safe n better after that though you were really skinny).

Another stormy night, we sat at the beach, you told me about zhi ming, you were so sad during SPM, i was so sad too, wanted to hug you,but I didn't.

You told me that you have a new gf, I was so happy and asked you to bring her out. She's pretty and kind, I did really take her as my sister-in-law and convinced you to treat her well. End of 09' ,you told me you have broken up with Qi, I was so worried about you, chatting through msn with you, seeing you being more skinny than ever, I felt so sad inside. Hearing you crying in front of me through the headphone, I felt like crying also.

Every time you brought me out with your friends, I seemed to be like your gf more than her. And every time, I felt uneasy actually. Cause I knew I will never be yours.

Lately, you told me that both of you seldom keep in touch, I wondered. I think,you must be sad,cause I know you cherish her very much,but perhaps she's afraid of losing you again, so she chosen not to be over-attached to you.

Honestly, that day we hang out, I feel very happy,and your face keeps spinning in my mind. You fed me sushi, you helped me to wear shoes, I feel very sweet. I didn't think of being your gf,but if you don't want me to fall in love with you, pls stop being so nice to me, cause I'm afraid that I would want to stay beside you if you keep acting like this.

Cause I find you getting more attractive every time I look at your pictures. T.T I don't know when, only I can tell you once, I love you. Perhaps, there will never be a chance for this.

Since when it have been transformed?

2011-02-06T04:07:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize since when it has been changed. Why nothing happened along this 5 years? I guess god is fooling around me again?

Have been going around for Chinese New Year celebration whole day, passed by his house and I found myself missed him so much. So far,I'm still confused with the feeling inside,whether it;s real or not.

Sigh. Just let it be. I can't do anything on this.

Sigh.

2011-02-02T22:57:00.000-08:00

1st day of Chinese New Year, I missed you so much. and I can't believe that when I told you I missed you, it was so different in feeling compared to last time.

I wouldn't feel anything last time when I told you I missed you, it was just a simple phrase btw koko n mui mui, and I didn't care about it actually. But last night, I wanted to tell you I really miss you so badly.

I don't know what I am doing is right or wrong, but I just don't feel like caring others feeling, feel so bad n evil of me. I'm not sure whether I really love him or not,one thing I'm very sure is, every time we being together it's all happy moment, and except of those sad period of mine n his, he always make me smile n being happy.

I'm just missing him so much right now,but I'm not suffer or sad, just feel like text him a msg.,but I think I shouldn't do this.

Sigh! I really feel like telling him, 'Kor,I love you'. hhahaha! *Ridiculous* this is what he taught me if I find myself falling in love with him I'll have to tell him this way. =.=

Gosh!

2011-02-01T21:31:00.000-08:00

Bah! Koko asked me about my new blog, I didn;t give him.. How am I gonna face him if he reads these??? Crazy!!

Finally, I asked you, if I don't want to be his sis.

He asked me, if dont to be sis then what I want to be,his lover? =.= I didn't know how to answer,and I didn't answer,until now.

What to do? Guess I shouldn't do anything until I make sure of the feeling exists.

I don't want, can?

2011-02-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

Seeing you called me mui mui this two days, i feel a lil sad. You're like telling and remind me I'm always your mui mui only.

Can i not being your mui mui? How would you feel if I tell you this one day?

Sigh.

I dont know what to do la..

2011-02-01T03:10:00.000-08:00

Have been sending msg one whole day, he asked me why so surprised, I don't know what to say, it sounds funny anyways, I didn't admit. Actually I didn't say anything, I think he guess it.

Argh!!! Sei foh dy la this time.. I really don't know what to do and how we're gonna face each others if I tell him I have a crush to him!!??? T.T

Could someone help me??? I'm worried we can't even be god-bro-sis after that.

Pls,hopefully he won't ask again.

Omg! This is beyond my thought.

2011-01-31T20:46:00.000-08:00

Shoo! I have no idea what's wrong with me now.

Every time when he text me or asked me out, I was like the lil flying birdy, feel so excited and happy, but I didn't feel any special feeling existed btw us. Everything I could remember btw us is all about the happy moments, no matter what we did together, it's all happy things. Perhaps, he just wanted to make us smile.

We were like the real siblings, hang out n have fun together,but he takes very good care of us, like a real big bro, and I felt very secure being with him. I don't know why. He always gives me the feel like being protected. Though he has done many bad things, everything that he has done which he can't tell others, I know all that. I don't know why, we just tell each others everything, perhaps, there's no borderline btw us.

Had lunch together with him yesterday, as usual I felt very happy but a lil uneasy. He kept me accompany to 1st avenue, we walked around for my new shoes. He helped me to wear the shoes when I was giving a try on each ones. I'm not sure whether he did the same thing to his gf? Like helping his lil sis to wear shoes? I really felt uneasy cause it's not good to be seen but somehow, I felt sweet at the same time.

Bought Cha-time after that, we shared a same straw,it's common i think, but I believe that Kam heng would feel a lil weird as we're not couple actually. Kam Heng went back 1st after playing pool, he walked back to 1st avenue together with me. He put his arm around my neck, looks like hugging a sis and a gf too, I feel a lil sweet in fact cause we rarely walked like this. Every action he did to me yesterday was really like how others do to their gf, but for me, perhaps I know, he is just feeling a lil lonely recently.

I really don't know how, I remember that when he came close to me and purposely pushed me to the wall with his body in the lift, I didn't escape,and I didn't feel uneasy, I did feel sweet n smiled secretly,I don't know why. He asked me am I still loving Ken, i wondered why he asked.

Sigh! I got insomnia last night because of him! This is the worst thing in life. If I really love him, how am I gonna face his friends, and how am i gonna tell yean, I fall in love with a bro!!!!!????? What the heck I'm doing!!? and luckily he doesn't know anything, I'm afraid of losing him if I tell him. He's always so good to me.

I just don't know...

2011-01-12T05:43:00.000-08:00

Sigh! I just don't know whether I'm fully recovered. I rarely think of Ken anymore nowadays, maybe I should say like this, I rarely be emo or sad because of losing Ken anymore.

I just felt worried and a lil sad when I know that he's sad or depressed. I'm not sure.

So far, I find myself don't need a relationship at this moment, cause I'll be very busy for studies, maybe years until I get my job. I think be in a relationship at my age is a burden after breaking up with Ken. There's too many variables in relationship, we can't guarantee anything.

Perhaps, after a few years then only I will consider about this issue.

I just don't know la! I'm just sad when I know he's sad. Damnit! I would say, I just wish to be the one who can cheer him up when he gets depressed or sad. That's enough for now. I won't tell him I'm still loving him or what, cause we don't need this for now.

Perhaps, i should cry?

2010-12-31T08:06:00.000-08:00

Finally, I asked him is it possible that we might be together again in the future?

He said:' how can I be sure? But if you ask me now,I'll say no."

Then he said again:' no,my answer is no.'

And my conclusion is, he is not sure with that,since he didn't say 'no!' at the 1st time when I asked him. Perhaps, he never thought of the possibility of we might be getting to be together again in the future?'

I was a lil calmed yet a lil sad inside, I'm not sure whether I would cry at the middle of the night,I jst know my heart stopped beating for a few minutes just now.

Anyway, I still believe that, we'll be together again one day. Perhaps, i desperately wish that I would still love him when he turns back to me one day.

p/s: ken, if you find this one day, don't be shocked, this is what I couldn't tell you,so I wrote down here, and I just love you more than what I can imagine.

With love,

Seow wei.

New Year Resolutions 2011

2010-12-30T20:55:00.000-08:00

Youhoo! It's a new year coming very soon as you can really see it just few steps in front of you! Oh guys, just write yourself a new year resolutions!

* I'm gonna get my car license!

* Clean up my room.

* Get an account tutor.

* Complete my intermediate english class.

* Travel to China in June.

* Celebrate X'mas in Koh Samui!

* Try my very best on every exam and test!

* Maintain my result above GPA of 75 every paper!

* Be a better person.

* Pray for Ken and his family.

* Take the bitter ones before the sweets!

* Play badminton at least once a week.

* Donate to the God of Milk's temple under Ken's name(quantum)

* Hang around with mom more.

* Keep fit and keep proper diet!

* Work harder to earn and save money!

* Always be kind to Dings.

Alright, that's all temporarily! Let's check how many I accomplish next year!

Last wish in this year,

' I wish Ken lives better everyday, and hopefully he gets more mature as time goes by, and desperately I wish we'll be together with each others again one day.' *we'll be*

With all the heart hoping you to live better,

~Seow Wei. :)

Cambodia Getaway

2010-12-16T05:02:00.000-08:00

Hmmm, have been traveled to Cambodia in the past few days, was so tired actually. Didn't get to sleep much! Grr...

Once in a while I thought about you, I was thinking, how good it is if you're here with me, to see the awesome amazing buildings of the Empire of Indochina.

I bet, you'll like it very much if you're there with me. It worth to take million of steps to there.

Bought you souvenirs though we aren't couple anymore, but we're still friends, and I take you as a closest-family-liked- friend.

I miss you so very much. I wish to tell you again,

hopefully I would get a chance to say again: ' I miss you very much, Ken.

With Love,

Seow Wei.

Cried Again.

2010-12-04T07:26:00.000-08:00

I reread all your blogs, I cried again.

At this moment, I realized you loved me so very much, it feels like you loved me more than I did.

But tell me why, why was the feeling gone? Perhaps, you would forget, is because you didn't want to feel the fear and pain of missing me. Perhaps, you didn't want to feel the fear of losing me one day, am I right?

You never knew, how much you loved me before.

I won't blame you, Ken. I know, you've tried your best to be nice to me.

Pls, read through the articles you have written before, you might realize something.

I don't like your jokes, but I love your articles so very much.

Still, I believe one day you'll be back here. Cause, WE'RE MEANT TO BE.

With Love,

~Seow Wei.

The Urge.

2010-12-04T04:26:00.000-08:00

Didn't know why, I feel like writing tonight.

I just finished a series, it's about the 2nd World War, the Japanese attacked the Chinese. There's a guy and a woman, they helped each others all the way, always supporting side by side because of the friendship, they gone through the 8 years protestation together, but at the end they met 30 years later after the war ended.

There's another couple, they're quite young. Both of them grown up together since childhood, the girl is having some kinda cardiovascular disease, she was worrying to burden the boy, so she decided not to begin the relationship, and the boy knew but still supporting and keep her accompany along the way. At the end they get married before the girl dead. They have a phrase, "Even a second, it can be forever". I cried non-stop.

I have been thinking about you once in a while when I was watching the series. I felt graceful and thankful that I'm living in this century and still alive. We are living peacefully, at least there's no war, and I'm educated. The most thankful is, at least I still can pray for you every night before I fall asleep because of tiring.

I haven't cried for quite some times after telling you that I never laid you down. I keep recalling about you and me, those happy memories we had before. I didn't cry anymore, I smiled. Every time I saw something that reminds me about you, I just smiled, cause I could still remember the sweet feeling in my heart and most of them are all your happy-kiddy smiling faces.

Hmmm, you know? I didn't like your jokes, I found it's lame, but I did smile. I was not entertain you, I smiled sincerely from my heart. I laughed for your funny actions and expressions, and I smiled because of you tried to make me happy and also I love to see you smile. Honestly, I didn't like the way you smiled sometimes, cause you looked immature, but I miss your smiles the most too, cause I would smile automatically when I saw you smiling to me. You really made me feel relaxed and happy.

I wonder, have you thought of me sometimes when you're alone at midnight? Would you miss me when you passed by those places we have been together last time? Did you feel like talking to me if you see I'm online when you on the msn? Could you tell me, when we would meet again? Perhaps, you've thrown away everything and only study study study everyday to escape from suffering, avoid from depression if you think of me. Did you?

Seriously, hopefully one day you would tell me about your life, how're you doing and tell me about the future. Dear, I desperately hope that you're doing good and stay healthy everyday. I'm always here. Even I cannot support you side by side, caring about you everyday, I just want you to know, I'm always here to pray for you, when you need me, I'm always here.

Hopefully, we'll meet one day, happily. Take care!

With Love,

~Seow Wei.

I'm just have mixed up the feelings inside.

2010-11-23T04:48:00.000-08:00

I'm so sad now actually, but I can't cry out... I just can't.

I have a lot of things that want to tell you. As time goes by, I recall more and more between us. i realized a lot of things, that i actually didn't thought about it when I wanted you to do.

Thanks, so very much. i mean it. Thanks lot for understanding and loving me like a precious diamond in your hand before. You this stupid boy, why didn't you tell me that you weren't familiar to drive up the hill, why didn't you tell me that you were worried about our safety? I'm so sorry ken, thanks for trying your best for me, at the end, you have made my dream comes true.

Sometimes I really find myself like a devil, I have made you lied to mom, to drive over here to see me. When you new to drive, you were willing to take the risk drove a long distance from KB to penang in early morning. Sorry. T.T (now only know kb is that far from here)

Saw someone was asking you whether you have girlfriend now. This is a question that i wanted to ask along this one whole year, but, still, I never asked. I was just thinking, I will be definitely sad for a long time if you have a girlfriend. What for I ask to make myself sad and cry again, so i decided not to ask and don't want to know.

We haven't talked about these one whole year, I'm not sure whether you still care, still mind, or I'm the only one who cares, so we didn't talk about it, never. I think we wouldn't be like what others act like normal friends so soon... Hopefully, one day, we could find a way, to communicate better. Perhaps, I would just forget everything, including you.

But How could I do?

I'm just afraid of I can't remember who you are once I really let you go.

I love you wholeheartedly, so I said ' I love you forever'... I have thought a lot before and when we were being together, the only thing that I never thought, is the distance between us. As what she said, it really work for more than a year. I don't believe you're really forget everything, I'm sure, you will tell yourself, ' the feeling is back here'.

I really miss you so very much, but I can't tell you anymore.

If you really got the chance to read this, don't feel irritated, this is what I have keep in my heart all the time. No matter what happens, I'm always here.

我真的舍不得不爱你。

With Love,

Hammy.

When it comes to, it's just hard to be done.

2010-11-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

I thought I really can just put you down, not asking about you, not testing you anymore. But it's just hard for me.

When I know you're gonna run a full marathon, I was just worried, cause you haven't really train yourself well. However, I still feel like supporting you all the time, cause no matter what you decide to do, I'll always be here to support, though you might not be success in certain decisions, some might not agree with you, but I just want you to know, at least, I'm still here.

Wanted to call you around 1am last night, but I was having real bad migraine, wanted to go Queensbay to support, but i don't think you want to see me, right? Sometimes I'm just afraid of you will feel irritated. Sorry, if you really feel that.

Honestly, I hope you will be more mature as time goes by, to be able to take care of people, to protect and love people, behave like an adult. I'm not saying that you're childish, but you're not mature enough, to act like an adult.

Hopefully one day we'll get to be together again, happily.

I miss you ken.

Let it be.

2010-10-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

Mother Mary, speaking words of wisdom,

Let it be~~~

You've told me,

Let it be~~~

And, I'm just let it be.

I let myself to think of you, I let myself to miss you, I'm just don't know how to not missing you and not thinking of you. You're always treat me nice n kind, I got a lil angry of why can't you continue to walk down together with me, but i never blamed you, cause I know you always trying to protect me n reduce the hurt until the least.

Dear, do you know your most terrible mistake is you loved me more than anyone. This is why I would never give up. You will never have a chance to say, 'I shouldn't be that nice to you if I know earlier,' cause the every good deed you've left for me is enough to vanish all the hurts you have brought me.

Every time when I heard people telling me not to think of you anymore, you're bad, I will get angry, cause they don't know you, and in my mind, there's only all the happy memories inside.

The most clear memory btw us in my mind, is the picture we kissed on the beach, in front of many people. It tells me, you wanted to be with me no matter what people would say, you didn't care at all. Thanks, for appreciating me. I'm actually being much more blissful than many others, cause you loved n cherished me all the time, until the second we can't go through together, you're still being honest to me, thanks. T.T

I'm fine, I'm just missing you. I'm just wish to have a hug from you.

I love you, Ken. Work harder, all the best in MUET.

Good Luck Good Luck & Good Luck!

With Love,

~Seow Wei. *Always here*

I Love Looking At your Photos.

2010-10-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

Sigh! How long we haven't really chat, and how long I haven't been brave enough to look at our old pis... I just realized, you loved me very much before the feelings gone.

We had a lot of great n happy memory together. I was smiling all the time when I looked at those pictures., especially the album when I visited you in Cyber, I did really had a lot of fun with you n your friends, too.

You know, every time I look at the pictures you have taken together with taiko taice n yeeche, i always smiled without any sadness inside my mind, I don't know why... Perhaps, that's the most fun n happy time you had when they're being around you, and they are cool n fun to be with!!!

I always dreamed about you this few weeks, sorry, I won't mention about the dreams, cause I hope its will come true one day. :) Once in a while, I would still crying when I recalled the period when we new broken up, I would still missing you when I'm free. No worries, I'm fine all the way, I'm just missing you.

Recently, I keep wondering would we catch up again? And what should I talk to you when we meet? Would I feel uneasy or would you feel uneasy? Anyway, I used to visualize that we have a lot of fun together when we meet, ^.^ It will be fun, right?

I'm not sure about how much you've changed, and how much I've changed... whether I'm still in your heart( I didn't mean it must be in any specified relationship) or not, I think that's not so important for you, and not so important for me too, temporarily for now...

Cause,

I'm sure, one day you will find that I'M ALWAYS IN YOUR HEART, i'M ACTUALLY VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU.

I've read many books after we have broken up, without those books, I think I'm still in the hell now, thanks Buddha, I talked with HIM every night, :)

P.s. I'm 100% healthy physically n mentally.

If one day we meet again. I hope I could share everything that changed better in my life with you... Have been walking around bookshops in this year, got a lot books that suits you...

Nowadays, I know my words are not supportive enough anymore, perhaps, the feelings is different compared to last time, but I wanna tell you, the feelings n the effective might have been changed, but the person who is giving the supports never changed..

I'm still here, no matter what happens, how far I'll be a part from you, when you recall me or think of me, even if you nail is in pain, your hair is in pain, I assure you, I'm always here.

This service is only available for my beloved, you, Ding Choon Ken.

if you feel depressed, meditation can't work, lost in the forest suddenly, pls, one person you must always remember all the time in your life, that's ME! Yee Seow Wei! The person who always keep you in her heart!

Need not to be depressed or sad no matter even thing goes to the worst, cause I'm still here, you still have your happy fruit here, anytime anywhere, NO DOUBT!

Don't hesitate or keep the question lingering around your head, *why is this girl being so stupid?*

I'm a realistic person, of course I know what people might think in reality, but one thing I wanna tell you, I'm contented with the life like this, cause nothing is more important than I'VE FOUND YOU, MY BELOVED ONE IN LIFE. That's enough for me.

My biggest wish is to see you smile to me everyday, your true n sunshine smile always in my mind, it warms me up when I feel cold.

Take care my beloved one, don't lose for yourself, no matter how much difficulties along the path, I'll be the green grass besides the road, the sunshine in front of you, I'm always here.

Believe in yourself!

I Love you, Ken.

p.s terrible uploading pic skills. =.=

With Love,

~Seow Wei.

That's really a very tough n big task for me.

2010-09-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

I got no choice, I gotta surrender to emotion again. I can't stand the conflicts inside my mind, and the feeling of pain in my heart.

I've tried my best to work hard everyday, I had no free time at all to think of you, but I still woke up with tears every morning, I miss you very much. I haven't met you or even talked to you almost one year. I wondered, what would you talk to me or what I gotta say when we meet beside the street one day? Perhaps, we would just like a stranger, pass by each others? Or maybe, we just can say 'hi!' and then 'bye!'.... If this is what we could do only, I rather not to meet you anymore, not even once!

Honestly, I don't know what's so good on you, maybe I've over estimated my recovery ability or I've underestimate your enchantment? You're just like my shadow, follow me wherever I go. Just like what you've told me, just let it be. I followed what you said, let it be, in fact, I do feel better(not crying anymore), but whenever I thought of you, I just feel sad feel like crying, but I always tried to control the tears.

So far, there's some ppl still asking about the reason we broken up. I didn't answer, cause I don't know how to answer, and what's the exact reason for us to be a part?

You have told me, you will put an ear to me if I got any problem even my toe is in pain. I have many things to tell you, but I know it will affect your mood, so most of the time, I didn't even dare to sms you. I really don't know how long this kind of relationship would last, the only thing i know is you've really made me feel so much grief and weeping every night.

I really wish to know, am I so wonderful as what you have told me before? Am I really the girlfriend you used to wish to meet up in your life? I've really tried my best, could you tell me what I've done wrong? Why am I still missing you...

If the Buddha offers me a chance to choose once again, if the end would still be the same, I swear I will choose to be with you once again, even I know I'll get heartbroken once again. Cause I love you, no matter what happens, I will still be here. I'm not wanting the past to come back, but I wish we will be together again in the future, cause I still believe, we'll meet again. But not now.

I don't know what for I'm doing all these here, perhaps that's the debt I've owed you in previous life, so we meant to meet and I gotta pay back you. I rarely send you msg nowadays, but any msg you didn't reply have led me to heartache once for each msg. Sometimes, I just hope that this is just a nightmare, it will be fine when I wake up... I always wish that one day, you would tell me all these is not real.....

I need to stop, no matter how you treat me, whether good or poor, or even ignore me, I don't care, I will still pray for you n family everyday, it has became my habit also.

I love you, Ken. Take care.

With love,

~seow wei.

It's time to update.

2010-08-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, haven't been here for months, so now I'm here to update, I think for myself.

Just gained a lot within this two months. Realized that we actually need not to be too stubborn sometimes, for anything.

Same as last time, I found myself got a new habit(terrible habit), I like to watch a guy(haha), he is not handsome but looks smart, and I thought I have a crush to him, but actually not, hahaha!

I thought I used to like those guys who are smart in looking, so do I apply this concept on you. However, I failed to prove myself falling in love with those smart guys around me( i admit i like to watch them), cause I always thought of you and miss you, while I just like to look at them, but I never missed them when I'm free.

Keep on weeping when I woke up from sleep at the morning this few weekends, as usual, I thought of you, wondering would you still thinking of me when you're free. Most of the time, I'll tell myself you wouldn't think of me anymore, to remind myself, you have gone, and almost a year. Even when we talked about relationship stuffs, I would still mention about you, but I still reminding myself, we're just normal friends.

Seriously, if one day we have a free time, I wish that we could have a long chat again, cause I got a lot of things to ask you.

I've read your blogs, and got surprised of your drawings. I mean you didn't like drawing as I know. It's not ugly as what you would say(if I tell you that's good), its funny man, I mean it.

I guess, you must really get busy this time, and the exams get tougher n harder... T.T However,I hope you will still work hard and I know you will achieve your goals successfully, no matter whether I'm with you or not. Actually, I think I'm not that important for you, right? But you're important to me.

Perhaps, you think that nothing else we can look forward in life besides study,looking for our love, getting married and having babies....... n wait n wait for...... but I can assure you, you're wrong, there's a lot more things to do besides of those ordinary stage in life. I'm not saying this in offence, perhaps you have what you want now, everything is well prepared for you, so you need not to worry or scratching your skull because of the options in uni, which uni is better, and how to earn the fees, where to get good jobs, how and what qualifications we need to achieve.

Honestly, I've ever thought of being single in the rest of my life. If I couldn't meet a guy I love him more that you, I think I'll keep myself being single. Perhaps, this might destroy my plan, like getting married with my beloved, have our babies and family, raise them up and cook for husband after work........... But I have many things to do also. I would study, after degree Iwould work in Singapore for two years to earn my tuition fees and daily expenses in order to further master degree to Oz, then find a good job, work hard and earn more, learn to invest, bring my parents around the world when they're still with me, learn cooking n baking, earn more again and donate for the African's orphans, maybe I can adopt a few kids like Angelina does, help more in charity, read books under a tree, water my flowers in the garden, drink coffee beside the old streets. When I'm old, if my body is still in good condition, I will still travelling around, write more, and make it into a book...... I got a new hobby, I like to search for good one piece's toys now, but i hardly get a good one. If I'm rich, I would collect watches, and ancient compass.... I like antiques actually. ^^

I realized one thing also, that is, we're from different world, and we belong to different category actually, but I'm sure that, you're the one who suitable for me, cause what we're different in, is what I like and admire on you. And I almost forgot, I unknowingly falling in love with you during NS. Seriously, if one day you ask me, when I started to realized I've fallen in love with you, I really don't know until the last day we were in Ns. Whatever, it's over.

If you get to read this one day, don't be depressed because of you don't know what else you can do in life besides of getting married n having babies or reading manga. Just give me a msg, and I will make sure you will have a different n more exciting life that no one would ever have!

Do remember, I'm here!

Good Luck! Good Luck n Good Luck!!!

With Love,

~Seow Wei.

Dreams

2010-06-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

I miss Ken so very much again. Especially on the weekend, I miss him more than usual.

Somehow, I don't know what's going on with my brain cells, I dreamed about Ken a few times within this two weeks.

I could hardly remember all the dreams,however there's one I would never forget.

Hmm,the dream was like my room set on fire, I was so afraid and panic and didn't know what should I do at the moment. Somehow,I ran into the fire and opened up my wardrobe,grabbed out all the things you bought me, the 1st thing I would never live without is the ring we had together, I still keeping it. 2nd thing is all the letters you have given to me and then the books,the shirts, the toys and many more and more...... I cried in the dream cause I couldn't bring too much, then, i woke up with tears.

Sigh... it really scared me, I was so afraid to lose those stuffs.perhaps,its don't worth a price, but for me, its much more precious than gold. and very important to me.

Luckily it was just a dream, luckily. I will keep them well forever... One thing i will never have to worry about is, the opal you bought me from perth, though it starts to rust, but I would never take it down from my neck. Even if one day you see this article, perhaps laugh at my stupidity when we are in 30,40 or 50 maybe, I don't mind. Cause I'm happy and contented that I've found a man I love the most in my life time.

I've made up my mind, even I'm gonna be alone,single throughout my lifetime, I don't mind also. Cause I won't marry if I don't love the man and I know I wouldn't be involved in a relationship so easily so soon anymore,perhaps, a few years.

I really miss you so very much Ding Choon Ken, I wanted to tell you so much, however,my mind tells me I would just make you feel uneasy and depress. If my words make you to be sad, I rather to swallow all the tears.

Made you cried because of me, I felt so much grief more than anyone ever.

I haven't seen you for almost eight months, so I really miss you a lot and want to see you so badly. I know you wouldn't want to catch up so soon yet, but hopefully, I wish we can meet up,go for some movies and good foods again. Cause I really miss you very very muchy!!! T.T

I gotta sleep already, I wish you're doing good everyday. Always pray for you before go to bed.
I wish all the credits go to you.

I love you,Ken.

With Love,
~seow wei.

Happy Birthday Ken.♥

2010-03-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

I need tons of bravery to log in to this blog every time,cause most probably, I cried while I was writing,everything about you,especially,today.

Happy Birthday Ken! My beloved man,I wish you to stay happy and healthy everyday,may all your dreams come true,be a better,be a successful man in the future, improve wing chun,aikido and karate,get to watch more nice comics,manga updates everyday,get more one piece's models,get to eat more good foods,get to drink nice soups to cool your body temperature down,get more nice clothes,win the shirt in marathon,improve in basketball and pool,I wish everything goes smooth when you change to computer science major,i wish you can always get to do what you want to... I just want to see you smile,as long as you're happy,safe and healthy, I'm okay, I'll be fine.

I wanted to celebrate your birthday together with you so much. Though,you said it's not important to you,but i want to tell you,it's important to me!!!! I thought wanna give you a surprise this year,but i think,you don't need it anymore...... That's enough for you,aren't you? I wish I can bake you a birthday cake,and celebrate together with you one day,but i don't know when this day would come in my life,perhaps,it will never come.

I wanted to wish you happy birthday when the clock showed 12am,but I didn't. Cause I think,you don't need it,and it's not important for you anymore.Perhaps,you've forgotten or even not sure whether I have wished you yet. I have no choice,I can't write all these in the blog,so I just can write down here,cause you won't get to read it. Even you read it,you also won't feel anything,and you just know keep quiet and pretend don't know!!!

You really made me feel like breaking the bottle of feelings... I feel grieved sometimes when I thought of you,I feel happy and sometimes smiled when I recalled our old memories, especially the pic we're kissing at the beach around the crowd, this is the most romantic memory you've left for me,but I don't know could you still remember?

Now,I could really do nothing anymore,I just wish you can take good care of yourself(but you didn't though you said okay every time)... I'll take you as a friend, but do know that, I can never not loving you... I also don't want to be like this,but it's not that easy as what you guys think, don't love then don't love,I'm not computer... Never try to avoid or escape from me anymore,you will just hurt me more,and make me to love you more. Just face me,and talk like normal as I can't change your mind, and you can't change me for not loving you.

Ken,
you're just like a tattoo on my heart,permanent one,it can never be vanished.

Happy Birthday,Tanjobi Omedeto,my beloved!

With Love,
seow wei.

I wish you were here.

2010-03-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

Do you still remember? Today is 14th March,white valentine. It should be our 2nd anniversary, if we are still being together, I shall be with you now,making supper for you in the kitchen,cover blanket for you when you lie on bed later. But I know that's impossible anymore.

I went Air Itam dam today,with friends. The weather was so good,windy all the time,and the scenery is beautiful. You don't know how much I wish you were here,with me.

Ken,
Seriously,I don't miss you that much. But I always wish,you could be here every time I visited a new and great place,with very awesome scenery. I don't miss you always, but you don't know how much I wish you are here when I got to eat good foods. I wish I can bring you around, to eat all the good foods that I know, to explore every nice place where i know. You always left me a very happy smiles when you eat. You always smiled,and show me your contented-look,when I fed you,and when I bought you bak gua...

I really don't miss you much,but I always recalled the pictures we walked around to popo's house,from popo's house. I recalled your happy look when you ate wantan and talked nonsenses together. I missed the time you told me about mama,how she brought you guys up,how hard she worked for your family. I miss we chatted thru webcam,taice and yeeche said hello to me,with very friendly and big smiles... I didn't miss you much, I just thought of that's fun when we watched tv together... Though,it's only very simple and common stuffs we did,but I always feel very happy. I always be happy,as long as be with you.

You will never know, within this two years, I have taken you as my family, a part of my life,a person that I will always be loyal , be kind to,a person who I wanna support,protect and love forever. I thought,I always thought I could control the feelings well,but I really don't know since when you've really occupy all my heart and life,I really don't know.

Darl,can I call you like this again? I didn't miss you every moment,but I don;t know why am I crying here again... I know,perhaps,there's another person in your heart d,as time passes,she will just replace me,and you will never remember me anymore,not even my shadow. 4 months, I think you have really recovered,and having a new life. Me too. I'm having a new life, I tried my best to enjoy my days,but you're also part of my life. Even one day, I have fully recovered,meet another one,you will always be part of my life. Anything,no matter what,you will get the advance for your permanent residence in my heart.

I admit,I love you. This is a fact,and it takes my life if you grab away the right to love you. But,please,please don't escape me... don't treat me like a stranger,I can't bear it. I just wish, no matter what,you could tell me like a friend,especially when you're depressed and sad... you could forget about me when you're happy,but please... I beg you,just give me a msg or a call when you're depressed and sad,let me know what is happening to you. Or else I will be just like a lunatic keep worrying.

I don't know what kind of girlfriend you really want, what kind of wife you really need. Nor, you're looking for a girlfriend or a wife... All of these I also don't want to know. I just want you to know, even one day,everybody go against you, or when you need someone,I'm always here,always on your side,I promise,No doubt! Every promise I've made to you,will always legal,no expire date. As long as you need me, I'm always available,only for you.

Perhaps,one day if you read this,you might just open your voice box and laugh very loudly, it sounds stupid, but I mean it, I always do,LOYAL and HONESTY.
I's so sorry,I really can't just throw you away,what you have left for me,the memories between us, are too sweet,more than enough for me to remember forever. It's like the words that being engraved on the pen you gave me as anniversary gift, "Ding with Love". It can never be vanished from my mind and my life.

Ken,I Love You.

With Love,
seow wei.

I miss You

2010-03-08T03:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated blog a very long time,and actually there's no one to read this,as I expect.

Ken,

I miss you so much,but you will never know,perhaps,you won't see what I'm writing here forever.
So soon,it almost comes to the 4th month,but still,I miss you so very much. This missing feeling never faded,instead,it is increasing day to day.
I'm very afraid to update my blog,cause once i text here,I will have to see those articles I have written,and recall many things between us.
Though I'm not there with you, but i could feel the difference, btw you and Ice. Perhaps,you don't wanna know the truth btw both of you,or perhaps,you know,but you don't wanna admit or do anything upon this,perhaps,you're not sure and being hesitate of the feeling,Perhaps,I think too much.
I'm really so sad and grieve every time I see the comments and photos,anything that about ice,I feel very sad,perhaps,jealous and fear. I'm afraid.
I don't know what you're thinking,but I can't ask you,and I have no right to ask anymore. Perhaps,I'm afraid I might get the unwanted answer from you.

Ken, I'm really afraid. Though we have been broken up for almost 4 months,but I always thought of you everyday. No matter how busy and tired, got home around 12am everyday, I would still miss you,thought of you every night before I slept. Every morning when I woke up,I will lie on my bed, hugging my pillow,think of you again,and wish you to have a nice day. I wonder whether you are doing good everyday? I'm so scared and feel insecure without knowing how is your life going on... cause i feel that we're getting far a part... I'm very sad and feel so helpless,when you answered me only when I buzz you. These few months,you never drop by before i approached, every time I'm the one who started the conversation 1st, I feel very tired and what-so-called 'cheap'... but I have no choice,cause I;m the one who care more,and you're not. I no longer behave like last time,crying everyday. But when I miss you,and thought of you,I'll still crying when the tears being disobedient.

I know you're planning to visit Redang. I was not happy when I know Ice is going along with you guys. Honestly,I was really sad. Cause I remembered that you told me,wanna go Redang together with me this year,but at the end the main actress has been changed. I'm so sorry,I really don't know since when I became so jealousy, perhaps, I was not loving you enough last time,so I wouldn't get jealous? Or,I love you too much so I always getting jealous now? I know you're gonna run in half marathon, I don't know why,I will feel worry,especially your knees. And the weather is hot now,have you scratched your eyes when it feels itchy? I don't know why I'm always worrying about you... I really don't know what to do.

I've tried to give a chance to others and myself,but it failed. At first,I did feel a lil nice,and I thought we could make it,but it wasn't like what I thought. When the guys started to treat me nice,I felt scared and guilty instead of loved,and I thought of you automatically,and I know,there is someone else in my heart,that will never could be replaced anymore. I don't know whether the Buddha is fooling around with us or not, we were always being parallel,perhaps,it's just an accident for us to intersect. It's just a coincidence in our life, so we have to be a part now. But even the Buddha is fooling around with me, it's just a coincidence, you're not belong to me, I'll still waiting for you,no matter what,whether you will come back or stay in Australia, as long as I love you,I will continue... I'm not doing this on impulse, since after so long,I'm still thinking of you everyday, I know I really love you,wholeheartedly.

My beloved, I love you,forever.

Babyluv

75th Day without You.

2010-01-27T05:06:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep last night,i missed you very very much last night,until I couldn't fall aleep.
I sms you,and I didn't expect that you will reply me... but in the early morning,i heard the msg ring tone,I thought it was you... I got dissapointed at the end. Almost 3 months,I've waited for you,and I'm still waiting for you to sms or call me 1st... but you always made me dissapointed. I'm very sad,and angry perhaps,why everytime I'm the one who find you 1st? If i don't drop you msg,you will never ask how am i doing,how is my life.

Is it after broken up then you could just ignore me like this? After broken up,I'm nothing!!! I'm nothing to you!!??? I dropped you msg,left you comments on facebook,you could just ignore me!!! Like you didn't see the comments,not even you reply once!!!!!!!!!!! And Ying Bing and ying qian dropped you msg and comments,you replied so many and even chat!!???? What's the problem???? Could you tell me? Why did you reply them,and why you didn't reply me? Is it because we have really no common topic to talk? Or you don't want to talk to me anymore? Perhaps you like them,and I;m the stone that is blocking you,right?

I really don't know why...why you could do this to me? and how could you treat me like this? What have I done wrong before? I just want you to care for me a lil more...

Ding Choon Ken,

Can you tell me why? tell me why you always hurt me so deep? tell me why I'm still loving you even you have hurt me so many times? Please...tell me... I just want to be with you, I just want to see you everyday,I just want to love you...why is the Lord Buddha treats me like this? And why do you treat me like this?

I need you,I really need you... my heart is still in pain,Ken. Could you give me a lil more of concern? I don't want to be the last person you will think of in the last second of a day... How much I want to tell you all these,but I'm afraid you will feel very suffer... I wanted to shout out in front of the world,that I love you very very much... but i know you would get to hear this no matter how loud i shout....Ken,when only you could read these? I'm really very sad,very suffer... I neeed your shoulder,i need your arms...... I have no one to tell the pain,I can't bear to lose you,I really cannot bear it.... When only you could hear me? When only you will come back to me? How long you still want me to wait for you? T.T I'm really very tired... but I don't want to give up....and I won't give up!!!!!

Why can't you give both of us a chance once again? Why can't you talk to me more? Why you only talk to them like friends,and why do you ignore me like a stranger....? You know how deep you have cut me? You never know you keep putting salts on my wounds,it hurts before it heals.........T.T How many more tears you want? How many nights more you want me to cry in the blanket?

I miss you... I miss you,I miss you until I'm gonna go crazy,Ken. Please,come back to me...I can't live without you. I'll wait,no matter how long,I'll wait for you. I won't regret.

Tomorrow 1st day work, how much i wish you remember i told you before i'm gonna work on tmr,I think I'll be brave if i see your msg,saying you will support me all the way. But i think you won't,cause you no longer care me anymore...

Ken,I love you. No matter what,I also love you,no doubt.

Your beloved,
seow wei.

71th Day without You.

2010-01-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

I hang out with cousin yesterday. She brought her boyfriend along,his chinese name is quite similar with you, there is only a different on the 3rd name. He doesn't like horror movie,just like you.He likes to eat sweet stuffs,just like you. I thought of you a lot this few days.

Every time I went to cinema,i always thought of you,i'll remember what was the last movie we watched. We watched Avatar together,at least we could see a very beautiful and nice animation together...the last meal we had together was Mc Donald's...beef hamburger... I went around with cousin,i saw many nice shirts,I was thinking it must be looking good if you wear it...

This few days I didn't cry anymore...I told myself i won't cry anymore...I thought I have recovered d,I thought I have let you go from my life. Until grandma asked me how are you doing? How we are doing. I didn't know how to answer... At the moment I told her we have broken up,my heart was so painful again,and the tears fell down again,non-stop... She told me not to be sad,and find another...

Another...... I can't make it. I don't want to waste other's time and I don't want to hurt them anymore. If I know i can't forget you,if i know i won't be able to love them,what for to find others? Those memories you have left for me,is too much and too precious for me. That's enough for me to love you in the rest of my life.

Ken,

I know you're going to Australia,and I always remind myself you're going to Melbourne,won't be coming back anymore. You told me you will never want to have a long distance relationship anymore,what you have told me I always remember,and it really hurts me a lots. I know we might not be able to see each other anymore after you go to melbourne, but I just feel like continue loving you. I won't give up. I know you're not loving me anymore,and many people told me its not worth to wait... but you know? I just don't want to think about whether you're worth for me to wait or not,I just want to wait. Cause I really can't forget about you. Your figure is always appear in my mind,even in my dreams...Even I hang out to those places we haven't went together before,I was thinking ' when we will have a chance to come here together?' No matter what,I just thought of you.

Perhaps,the memories in your mind is getting blur now,maybe you will just forget about me one day after you go to Australia... ... but I'll still pray for you and your family every night before I sleep, and pray for us,pray for myself that one day I could meet you again, be with you again. I really wish you could be happy and healthy everyday,but if you want me to give up to please you,I'm so sorry. Sometimes,I just want to be a lil selfish,cause when I still love you,only I feel the happiness. I Love You,ken.

Actually I'm really stupid,what for I tell you so many things? You will never see this also I think,cause you didn't even want to ask and know how I'm doing anymore,you won't waste so many time to search where is the 'another place for me to make myself happy and nake you better'..you won't right?

When I love you,then only I could feel what is LOVE.

You might think I'm rubbish,only think about love, you might think it's not so important for you,but I just want to tell you, Love is not important to me,but YOU'RE MOST IMPORTANT TO ME!

With love,
seow wei.

62th Day without You.

2010-01-14T04:44:00.001-08:00

Went to interview today. I was waiting in the interview room for 1 hour,I got nothing to do,facing 4 walls in the room,I thought a lot of things,I thought of you again. I was so suffer,I wanted to cry,I felt very painful in my heart suddenly...I tried very hard to control the tears.

After that,Alecia sent me home,and I quickly entered to house,and cried like hell again while hugging my pillow. I could still smell your scent on my pillow,I feel safe with the pillow and wearing your shirt. I must bring this pillow if I have to go out of Penang to work or study one day,I won't throw it away. Suddenly I found there was something like dirt on my pillow,it's blood...I was wondering,where is the blood stain came from? I checked my face,there is no wound,but why there is blood on my pillow?

Actually,I'm afraid I might have some diseases which I don't know. My menstrual cycle is not regular this few months,I'm scared... Perhaps,one day when I get married,then Only I know I cannot have baby. I was afraid of this when we were still being together last time, cause I really ever thought of having babies and a family together with you. I think those who have the chance to read this blog will laugh at me,for being so naive and stupid,right?

Ken,

I always want to see you,want to know more about you...I don't want to be your normal friend only...I want to be one who know you well,can share everything together with you,can help you when you need,support you along the way,smile and laugh together with you like a lunatic. Cause I know,life is too fragile, we might think there is a very long path in front of us, but we might not escape from death if the time has come. I always appreciate our relationship,I want to give you all the best things,I want to take care of you,make you feel happy without worries,I just want to love you. Cause maybe I might not be around you or not be able to see you anymore if there is an accident.

I never thought so much last time even I loved that person very much,I never thought of having a family with or babies together with that person. And I never thought of walking down the path together with him no matter what. But now, You have change me. I want to do all these together with you, even one day you become very poor,fat, not smart anymore,I also won't leave you alone... Perhaps,you've already forgotten whatever promises you made to me last time,but I will never forget those promises I've made to you,even now we have broken up,I'll still follow the promises, never leave you alone,always being honest to you,trust you and support you no matter what. T.T

You must be thinking how bad luck of you,and why you will meet this girl so stubborn and annoying, or so sticky and doesn't want to set you free... I'm so sorry Ken, sorry for doing all these to make you feel suffer. I can do anything for you, whatever you like,as long as you're happy,but I'm so sorry,I can't give up to love you. I will rather die if you want me not to love you. I can't make it,and I can't bear it.

I know I shouldn't request too much,but I hope you could take me as an old friend,that are closer to you,a friend that needs your support and concern more than others. I don't want just to be a normal friend of you,and you know that I'll never be only your normal friend.

I love you,even you're being so cruel to me,I still love you.

With the heart waiting for you,
seow wei.

61th Day without You.

2010-01-13T04:27:00.000-08:00

I think without refer to my blog,you wouldn't remember how many days we have broken up. I'm not counting it intentionally,I just want write down,everything I do in the days without you,when and where.

Perhaps,for you,now,I'm just a normal friend,and you're not necessary to give extra concern on me,like we are just friend,you will tell me we are not together anymore. This is always what you told me. I want to know,why everyone left messages and comments on your wall,posted something on your wall,at least you replied them,but why no matter what I posted or left you some comments,you never replied or show me some responses!!!??? Do you know you're telling others you don't want to have any contact with me?? You know how much it hurts me?

Even the friends you're new to know,you could chat with them with 14 comments!!! And me,not even one you reply... Could you tell me why it goes like this? I'm as normal as a stranger to you. I'm rather strange than your new friends!!!!! Who I am? I always asked myself,who I am? I'm just a girl who have been dumped, I'm nothing to you,right?
Why? Why you only treat me like this? Why you always being so cruel to me,only me? You're always being nice to others,every friends,female or male,but why you didn't reply even one alphabet to me only? If just like what you said,we are just friends,why didn't you reply? Even your friend wrote only one stupid and lame word on your wall,you could talk with her with 14 comments!!!!! What I am in your eyes? What I am in your heart????

Don't tell me you're doing this for my own good. You're cutting me deeper and deeper!!!! If you really want to be a nice person, treating everyone nice,please,in the way of fair okay? If you really still take me as friend,please just care for me more can? I know I can't request you to love me anymore,but a lil more caring to me than others is not too much for you.

I'm not your normal friend,I'm not those new friends you know, I'm the one who have been together with you all the way,this is the best way to treat me as you think is it? But I tell you,its not. What you're doing now is always hurting me... My heart is feeling very painful every night. I just wish you to care for me more,I just want to see you everyday,but I know you would feel suffer,so I chosen not to make you feel suffer. But you know this will only make me miss you more,and love you more?

Where is your heart gone? Where is the feelings you loved me gone?

Ken,
I really miss you. I want to know how you're doing everyday,what happened in your life everyday. But I dare not to ask anymore,I know you might feel uneasy,so I didn't ask.But I really wish to see you,I wish you could share your days with me. I feel like we are getting far a part,cause you're avoiding from me,you no longer tell me your stuffs as usual anymore,this is what I feel very sad you know? I'm afraid,I always afraid if we go like this way,one day,we will lose contact,and I don't know much about you anymore. I'm really fear of this,that one day,I no longer know your things,and you don't know about me too,perhaps,you couldn't even recall who am I and how I look like.
I wish,no matter what,we can be honest to each other,no matter we are friends or couple.I will still being honest to you,trust you,even until I die.

Most people who have read my blogs,perhaps, already felt that I'm cheap,not loving myself,and being so annoying because of a guy,But I wish you are not this kind of person,and I believe you're not. I'm not being cheap, I love myself very much,I'm not being like this because of men,its only for YOU. And I don't people say I'm cheap, cause I know,I love you,and i mean every single word I said,here and when I told you.I think if you're reading these,you would feel nothing d,cause I'm writing too much,or you could never feel anything anymore.

I love you,except this I don't know what else I can say,I don't know what else I can do. I don't care,I don't care how others say anymore,I just want to love you. Perhaps,one day,when I know you have a new girlfriend,I would be very sad and cry like hell again,but I will still love you. Cause it wouldn't fade even when you have a gf or wife. I know I'm stupid,childish maybe,but I just want to be loyal to my heart,to myself,and to you.

FOREVER this word,I never believed,and I rarely told this to others, but today, I'm here to say,

Ding Choon Ken, I Love You,forever and ever. I wish I could love you until eternal life,cause forever is too short for me to love you.

With the heart loving you every moment,
seow wei.

56th Day without You.

2010-01-08T03:18:00.000-08:00

Ken, I miss you,I miss very very much.
I got tried to hang out with friends, found other things to do,but no matter what I do,where did I go,I always thought of you. Seriously, I can't live without You.

I went to gurney,I passed by Swensens, where we celebrated your 19th Birthday together at there,we had a very nice ice cream there,do you still remember?? I passed by Mc Donalds,I recalled the day we hang out again.the 1st day we hang out with upset mood,I'm really very sad you know? Why it became like this? We should be a pair of couple everybody envy,and you did love me very much,but how come it became like this now? Could you tell me? Did I DO ANYTHING WRONG,OR i DO ANYTHING THAT IS NOT LOYAL to you?

Ken,please...... I really miss you very very much,don't leave me alone here. You promised me you will never leave me alone one,no matter what. I really need you to be around me. I was very scared at the night which I got molested, I wished you were here with me,to calm me down,to protect me. I know if you're here,you will very sayang me,pay me gently. I'm afraid,i feel very insecure.,every night,every moment. I must hug my pillow to sleep every night,cause once I don't hug it,I feel very strange,insecure... I need someone to sayang me,I need you to protect me,to care me and love me. I want nobody,except you.

No matter what you do to hurt me,I won't go even a step backward,cause I know,I have found a man that I want to give him my love,and he is always worth for me to love. I won't commit suicide,but if someone take away my right to love you,I would rather die. This life,I never expected I could love someone so much, I'm sure, I love you. Perhaps,you don't want me to sacrifice too much for you,cause you would feel pressure,but I never asked you to pay back. I wouldn't and couldn't do this much for anyone last time,but now,I also don't know why I'm being like this. Perhaps this is what people said,its called Love.

Actually I know it could work,if we could catch up more,but you refused to continue.Could you tell me why? Its because you fall in love with others? Or you think I might be The obstacle of your studies and career? Ken,you know me the most,you know that I'm always being understanding,you know that I won't block you from reaching the goals. I just want to be with you,see you everyday,help you to massage when you feel tired,make some desserts for you when you are hungry. This is just what I need,Ken. I just want to be like the time when we just new to be together. I really need you,Ken. Yean said I'm sad for too long,I tried very hard to forget the sadness,but I failed. When I get home,when I see my bed,I recalled you,every night,I miss you and I cried,I want to hug you,I want to kiss you. Every time I thought of you,its all happy memories in my mind,I still feeling sweet in my heart when I recalled the picture we were kissing,patting my head,playing my hairs....

I saw many things when I shopped.I wanted to buy you all the stuffs. But I'm afarid you might not want to accept,and return to me or give it to your friends. I won't allow you to do that.Even you don't like,you don't want to use,you may only give it to your siblings... I could be nice to many friends,but now,I just want to be nice to you... and all these I'll only do for you. Perhaps you think I'm not generous enough,but please understand, thats all I bought you,I have chosen all these special for you. Never give it to others.

Perhaps I'm selfish too,I just want to be nice to you,and I just want to love you. Sometimes I'm being nice to you,is only because I want to fulfill myself,cause,as long as you're happy,then I will be very happy. My wish is to see you,help you,care you,and love you.

Your beloved,
seow wei.

47th Day without You.

2009-12-30T01:46:00.000-08:00

Early morning around 9am, I was awake already. I made guai leng gou for you,cause you're always feeling hot in your body,I thought making you that to cool your body temperature. And I watched tv while waiting for you to come.

It was 10am,you didn't sms me yet. 1030am,my phone was still in silent. 11am,you told me you're heading over here already,I went to bathe.11.30am, I finished bathing and you still have not arrived yet. 11.35am,you told me you were having lunch with popo, I know you always want to see popo,I understand. 12pm,you told me you're gonna buy some silver stuffs with popo and yeeche, I said okay,cause I was really okay. However,I don't know whether you were doing that purposely to make me get pissed off or not, I did feel a lil upset,cause you knew that I wanted to see longer,and asked you to come earlier,at the end you came much more later.

When you arrived at my door step, I knew you were here even you haven't sms me yet. I found myself couldn't even smile to you when I saw you,I didn't know why. Sorry. and you kept sitting in front of the comp and transferred the movies to my comp,you just stayed in the room,dare not to talk to me at all. I think if I didn't talk to you then you would just keep quiet. Could you tell me why? You don't know me is it? Or this is the 1st time we meet? What were you afraid of? I really don't understand.

When we lined up to buy tickets,you didn't line up together with me in the same line,was it really because of too many people? Or you were just trying to escape from standing beside me? After that I saw yiyin.and I talked to him,you knew that he saw you,and you quickly walked down the escalator, and you walked very fast. What were you doing with this? and why? Can you tell me? Is it very embarrassing for you to stand by my side? Or you were trying to show others we are not being together,we have no any special relationship any more? Why are you rushing to do all these? I'm really such a bad girl to make you feel shameful when you stand by my side?

Ken,

do you know how sad I was? I was sad not because of seeing you and can't let you go. Its because of you doing these to me. The way you treated me, you really think we should be like this way? The attitude you applied to me was like treating a very normal friend,that you didn't know much about me, like didn't want to have any special relationship with me. You know how hurt I got? Don't treat me like this okay? I'm not like those of your normal friends, you know that,we will never be like a very normal friend. The connection we have, the memories we have,will never make us as only normal friends! You kept avoiding talking about those topics that related to us, this is not the right way okay? The more you escape,the more you care.
Please,just treat me like an old friend,a close friend who know you quite well,this is not what I want even we are just friends now.
I have to admit,I do still love you,and I wish to be with you very much also,but I know its impossible. As you said,you will not doing long distance relationship anymore. I'm really very sad of losing you, but I wish you could be happy also,I'll respect your decision if you feel happier in this way. I just wish to see you, catch up when we free,as friends, or hang out and travel together,maybe with some other friends also. Just don't keep escaping from me okay? Its really hurt me very deep you know?

Never ask me not to love you. I will try to let you go,but If I can't love you, I'll rather die. Perhaps you think I'm not rational anymore, but this is the true feelings, that I really love you. No matter what,I just wish I can love you, I'm being perfect only when you're with me. I know this life, even I try very hard, I also can't forget you,and I know I'll always love you,in my heart. I wish,one day,you could really feel my heart.

I won't request you to give me what,I choose to trust,forgive,understand,support,care and love,as last time and until I die. I Love you, Ken.

A lady who will always wait for you,
seow wei.

44th day without You

2009-12-26T21:30:00.001-08:00

I'm sad,I'm really sad.... Ding,you know how much you have hurt me? how many times you have cut me deeply to death?why?!!

Why must every meeting we can't hang out alone together? why must call others together? Can just only both of us? even after few years also we must meet in this way? its a lil childish you know?

I really don't know what's wrong with me? i really don't know its my fault or not? You refused to contact with me and talk to me,cause you're afraid to recall you've hurt me so much and make yourself being suffer,am I right?

I know I have made you go crazy this few weeks. And you do drive me mad,too. I really don't know LOVE is so horrible,it could make me crazy,perhaps causes mental illness. But do you know that,I really love you. I also don't want to make you feet being tied,I also dont know since when I feel so insecure and started to control you...I really don't mean to do it purposely one. I'm so sorry,sorry....T.T I really didn't mean to behave like this.

I really need you,i need your care...i need your love. I really need you so badly. I miss you,I want to hug you so much.I wish you hug me too,to make me feel more secure. I feel very tired of being independent...I wish someone can support me no matter what,protect me when I'm cold and alone.

You know? The memories you left me,its enough for me to love you forever. How could I forget the feelings of loving you? The moment you loved me,in your arms,under your breath,how could I forget? I don't know whether you still remember all these or not,but I'm always proud with being yours. You might think I'm narrow minded,but I'm not. I can only say,I just feel like loving you only. I'm yours. And I'm also being glad that you're the 1st man who have me,perhaps,you're the only man who have me. I wish you will remember this,now and forever.

I think you won't view my blog anymore...perhaps,you wont find this blog also... as both of us believe in destiny,what means to be,it will be. And I believe,you are mean to be mine.

I love you.

Love you everyday,

seow wei.

43th Day without You

2009-12-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

I wish nobody will see this blog,and this would be a secret place for me,myself.

Perhaps,if you're caring enough,one day,you would find this blog.

I really don't want to disturb you,but sometimes I want you to know how I feel. However,when I know you're being so much suffer,I'm sad you you couldn't breathe because of me...it is so much dilemma inside,perhaps conflicts.

I really miss you,I really miss you,until I don't how what else I can do,what else I want to do. I'm like drown in this river...dying in your world. I never felt like this you know? I have never been like so weak,and feel so insecure all nights. I really need you,to be around me.

Perhaps,I still missing the past,missing how much you loved me and how nice you have been to me. But,do you know that? I imagine one day,I would meet someone who are better than you,richer,more handsome,smarter, more matured... But that are not what I want.

You never know, how much important you are. You never know that,how much I need you in my life. You never know that,your existence is so powerful to me. You never know,your love could make me alive and die in instant. You never know you're such a great man to me.

Until now,I still can't understand why is it gone like this... it could be of me were not important to you actually. Nor,you loved me too much until you felt very tired. Perhaps,I was too wonderful and made you felt so stressed out and exhausted.

I really dont know,and I don't want to think about it anymore. Seriously,I really can't lay down this feeling. You know? Perhaps the world is very big, and everybody thinks that we could find someone better in the future, but when you find a better one,can you assure that she/he will be the one you love the most? You can never tell.

But now, I have found my man,the man who I really love him,the man who is really nice,kind,generous,obedient...a man who is a good child of mama and dad,a man who is a very good brother for taiko,taice and yeeeche.

I love this man, a man who is supportive, a man who is always being honest to me even its hurt he chosen to be honest to me,(a wonderful and dear person to him), a man who always cared,loved and protected me, a man who believed in me... a man who I could do anything for him.

Ding Choon Ken,

I don't know whether you would see this blog or not,perhaps until the day you die or I die, you also won't find this blog. But if you find this one day,please, leave me at least half an hour a day,to think of me,to miss me,can?

This month,I thought a lot. I thought,we actually not so compatible... You like to watch anime,but I seems don't like. I thought it over this few weeks,actually both of us also wrong. I don't like anime,but I like watching anime with you,I like buying those anime models for you. I don't like martial arts,But I like watching martial arts...

I thought I like hanging out with many friends very much,but actually not. I just feel like hanging out with closest friends,just like you just feel like hanging out with siblings. And I like hanging out with you,cause I won't feel uneasy when being with you.

I talked a lot with mom this few weeks,I got to know a lot of things in real life which most of us don't know much about it. I've observed many people, most of the married couples are not compatible,cause,there is something called 'lock and key'...the same puzzle will never fit each other.

Honestly,I wish to know more about you,not your family background,its your heart,your mind,your thoughts. I wish I could make you feel secure,make you feel there is someone know you,and always support you no matter what.I wish I could be the one who you trust the most,to know you more and better. You're not an alien,not,you're not!! You're very nice,great man...

I know,perhaps not even a man would really love me wholeheartedly in the future anymore, I know,even they say they don't mind,but they are actually mind... even I won't be loved with a true heart again,I never regret about it.

I'm proud,I'm glad,that I have been your woman,and you have been mine,too. Both of us would know,in our hearts, we have ever loved each other from the core of the heart and the deepest space of the souls. This is only belonged to us,that no one could feel the love between the two beating hearts.

My beloved Ken, I love you,now.... and I hope,forever.

I wish,one day if you see this,if you find your heart is getting warm,I hope it won't be too late,cause I'll always be there,only for you. No matter how far I go, whether to the North pole or to the South,when You need my love, I'm always yours. No doubt!

A girl who belonged to you,

Seow Wei.